Page 68 of Loving an Earl
Her maid eyed her warily, no doubt conflicted about letting the earl in her room. But Lilly knew she would do as she was asked. “Yes, my lady.”
Panic hit Lilly as she wondered where she should sit when she greeted Langford, and she decided to hurry to the chaise longue, facing the hearth. Sitting perched on the end, her posture straight and tall, her hands folded in her lap, she tried to exhibit ease and grace even though her insides rattled the rafters. Perceiving his presence behind her, she said, “Come sit beside me, Langford.”
He inhaled and exhaled audibly. “I think it is time you used my given name.”
Very well. “Come sit beside me, Edmund.”
“Thank you, Lilly. Don’t mind if I do.” He leaned heavily on his cane as he made his way toward her. The paleness of his complexion and the pain she saw flashing in his eyes at each step gave away how discomforted he was.
The cushion dipped as he sat close to her. Close enough that his thigh brushed against hers. “You wished to speak to me.”
His hands shot through his hair. “Yes. There is much to discuss. I will start with what happened with Redford. How are you faring? Are you feeling comfortable to speak of it?”
“I am fortunate not to be in Gretna Green and married to him. Indeed, I am lucky to be alive because I believe that his ultimate goal was only to attain my funds.”
“No doubt.” He turned sideways and took her hands in his large warm ones. Comforting heat spread throughout her body. “I know I asked you when we rescued you, but did he hurt you? Did he take advantage of you?”
The anguish radiating from his dark-brown eyes and his concern for her made her answer quickly. “No. He did not hurt me besides pulling on my arm as he dragged me away from the ball and into the carriage. He didn’t touch me otherwise.”
Edmund exhaled loudly, and his face and eyes softened with relief. “Thank God.” He intertwined her fingers with his. “I’ve never been more frightened in all my life. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t put his name on that blasted list—”
“We’ve been over this before. It’s not your fault. Redford told me he targeted me because I was a young widow anxious to find love and had no parents looking out for me. He took advantage of my situation. He knew exactly what to say and do.” She tightened her grip with Edmund’s fingers. “I would like to pretend I never met the man.” She paused and took a breath. “Redford came up behind me at the masquerade ball. He dragged me out the servants’ entrance.” Lilly, with a knot in her chest, explained all that happened until he and Caldwell rescued her. It didn’t ease her mind as she’d hoped it would, but it did feel good to confide in someone.
Reaching out with his hand, he placed it under her chin, tilting her head up to meet his compassionate eyes. “If I could wave a magic wand and make those memories disappear, I would.” He leaned forward, placing his tender lips on hers. “I would do anything for you.”
She rested her head upon his shoulder. “Will you talk to me?”
He brushed his cheek against the top of her head. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know what you were thinking when you asked me to marry you.”
Her hand rested against his chest, rose and fell as he inhaled and exhaled. “I felt so connected to you when we made love—both the first and second time. The first time I ignored it. Especially after I found the papers. And I will readily admit I acted badly. Uncle Henry was wise for what he did, preparing for your future without him, and I acted like an arse.
“The second time I messed things up by proposing as I did. It was hasty and poorly considered. I’ve had time to think and I never should have asked after spending the night in your bed. Please know it had nothing to do with feeling a sense of honor or duty or because I had bedded you.” He placed his hand on top of hers, which rested on his chest, and squeezed gently. “I asked you to marry me because I love you. And since that day I have fallen deeper in love.” Another squeeze. “You are strong and brave. And I am so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” Lilly whispered.
“I have a question,” he said, his voice more relaxed in tone than when he first started speaking.
“Yes?”
“What were you thinking when I blurted out that awful proposal?”
“Before you asked, I was feeling relaxed and happy. I finally felt as though we understood each other. We had talked about my life with Henry, and his death. But when you asked me to marry you, it sounded careless and insincere. My heart shriveled up and died. My mind screamed at me to run away and hide.”
He kissed the top of her head and his fingertips caressed her hand. “I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I have much to learn about you and how to treat you as you deserve. I hope you will allow me the chance to do so.”
“I would like that,” she said as her heart melted and she realized they could be each other’s future.
“I would also like to apologize for my rude and bad behavior since the moment we met. I have no excuse to give you. Just know that nothing resembling it will ever happen again.”
“You are forgiven.”
“I would like to invite you to my home for a private dinner tomorrow night,” he said, his voice still not back to its confident tone.
The answer came easily to her. “Yes.”
“I will send my carriage for you at six.” He untangled his body from hers, and she missed the connection instantly. “I will leave you to rest.” He bent over her and kissed her cheek. “Until tomorrow.”
