Page 61 of Loving an Earl
“I’m so sorry. That must have been a terribly trying day for you.”
“Thank you.” She sighed and he knew her fingers were wiping away tears. “Henry was so kind to me during the ride to Langford Manor. He said that we both needed time to mourn and that he would come and speak with me the following day. And when we spoke the next day in his study he told me he didn’t want to bed a child, nor did he want heirs. That our marriage would be in name only, he would take care of me and I would take care of him.”
Edmund’s heart stopped at what her words implied. “That was very kind and noble of him. But I’m not surprised. Uncle Henry was the epitome of a true gentleman.”
“Yes, he was.”
“Does that mean you were a virgin the first time we made love?” His breath suspended as he awaited her answer.
“Yes.”
“I understand why you didn’t tell me. But I wish I’d known.” Nothing about his behavior at the time would have given her reason to trust him with her secret. Had he been gentle enough with her? He hoped so. “Tell me more. What did you do to occupy your time for that year?” The floodgates of his curiosity opened, and suddenly, he wanted to know everything there was to know about Lilly and her life before they’d met.
“Every day, Henry and I went riding. He kept busy managing the estate, but I was a little bored. We traveled to London several times. I was happy. We talked together about my future and what he wanted and hoped for me. We talked about you.” She patted his arms which were circling her waist. “Although there wasn’t much to say since Henry hadn’t seen you in person for years.”
His body tightened. “I will forever regret not having come to see Uncle Henry more often before his death. As his heir, I should’ve made time for him. I owe him so much, and I can never express my gratitude to him.”
“Taking care of his estates and his tenants and being a genuinely kind and caring man would be thank you enough for Henry.”
“I promise I will.”
She inhaled and he knew she was getting to the emotional, hard part of her story. “The day Henry died, we were riding and we raced. He always let me win, but he could still ride like the wind. But he fell.” She wiped more tears away. “I’d just finished my year of mourning Papa, and now I was in mourning again, only this time for my husband. A man who had become my best friend, my confidant, my everything.”
Edmund moved his arms and began rubbing her back, hoping to soothe her heartache. “And then I came along and I behaved like an arse.”
“Humph. It took you just over two months to arrive. It seemed like a lifetime. And yes, you were a privileged, arrogant, vile man the first time we met. I couldn’t get away from you fast enough. Thank God I had Emmeline to save me.”
He chuckled, “Do you need saving now?”
She turned around, cupped his cheek, her eyes shining with unshed tears and she smiled. “Now more than ever.”
He brought his lips to hers just as someone knocked on the door.
“My lady, it’s Daisy.”
Lilly stifled her giggles by burying her head in his chest. “Daisy, I’m tired this morning. Come back in an hour.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“I should go since the servants are up. I don’t want any gossip surrounding you.”
“Emmeline has the best household. They do not gossip. Nor does my maid, Daisy. But I agree, you must go so I can start my day.”
He kissed her deeply. He didn’t want to leave her bed. “Does all this mean you will consent to marry me?” Bloody hell, the moment he uttered the words, he knew it was the wrong time and the worst way to propose to the woman he loved. She was unlike anyone he’d ever met. He felt every muscle in her body tense as she pulled away from him, both physically and emotionally. What a bloody arse he was... again.
*
His proposal shouldhave made her heart sing. But for some reason a sadness penetrated into the very center of her being. Had he only asked because of what they shared in her bed, twice? She didn’t want to spend her life questioning his motives. He’d yet to profess his love, and that was what she needed. He knew that was what she needed.
“I would like you to leave now,” she said in a tired voice. “If it’s acceptable to you, I would like time to think over your proposal. I’ll send word when I’ve decided. Until then, please don’t call on me.”
He reached out with his hand to touch her but pulled it back. “Forgive me. I hadn’t meant to propose.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What I mean is, yes, I meant to propose, but I wasn’t prepared to do so at this time. Bloody hell,” he mumbled. “I’m messing this up. Please don’t shut me out.”
Every part of her body ached, and her mind screamed out,Yes! Say yes!Instead, she said, “After Redford, I need time. Please understand.”
“I will try,” he said as he gathered his things and left.
Lilly lay back in bed, tears sliding down her face as she tried to ignore the pain in her heart.
