Page 9 of The Spy and His Lady Love
“The pleasure is all mine, I assure you. Could you please pencil me in for the first waltz of the evening?”
“She has not been given permission from the Patronesses at Almack’s to waltz yet.” The duchess replied on Penelope’s behalf. “Perhaps another dance?”
“Yes. Perhaps another,” Sinclair said.
“Yes, another.” Penelope’s cheeks were aflame. The attraction she’d felt for Mr. Sinclair the other night and now on a higher level needed to stop since she was affiancedto his cousin. Did Newbury know what a charming flirt his cousin was? Because surely the man was daft putting her in Mr. Sinclair’s care. Perhaps he was testing her loyalty? If so, she planned on passing. She could bury her attraction. She had to, and she would. She may be all of seventeen, but she’d learned long ago to hide her feelings from the world. Being a servant along with her mother in a degenerate’s house forced one to hide what was inside. Viscount Hadley thrived on fear, so she’d learned to hide it and all other emotions. Deadened them inside.
As her mind wandered, she caught pieces of the conversation between Wentworth, Emma, and Sinclair. Weather, Parliament, Wigs, Tories, things she cared little for. All she’d cared about before coming to London was surviving. Some things were hard to change. She still needed to survive. The difference was the jungle had changed to include much more dangerous beings.
Music had never been a part of her life, not until her dancing lessons, but even she recognized the first strings of a waltz after several country reels concluded. Relief and disappointment washed over her at not being able to dance the waltz.
“Milady.” Mr. Sinclair bowed. “Since the waltz is forbidden, would you care to take a turn around the room?” He held out his arm. Penelope placed her arm on his, and he escorted her around the outer fringes of the dancefloor but in front of all the chairs. Chairs with people watching and gossiping. “I believe congratulations are in order for your upcoming nuptials to my cousin.”
Her steps faulted, but he steadied her and they continued walking as if nothing happened. “Yes. Thank you. I hope he told you the bands won’tbe posteduntil next week?”
“Yes. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I wouldn’t dream of spoiling the ton’s surprise.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything I can tell you about Newbury? He gave me permission to ease your concerns if you have any.” His voice was light. His lips were smiling, but his eyes darkened with a hint of worry.
Did she have concerns? What newly betrothed would not when marrying a perfect stranger. An injured stranger with one eye, a painful-looking scar, and a leg that didn’t work properly. Besides the fact he held the title of duke, he wasn’t much of a prize. But then again, she wasn’t either. No, indeed,she was no prize. “Part of me has questions, part of me doesn’t.”
He lead her towards French doors. “Let us get some air, and you can ask away whatever you want with no one overhearing.”
Before she could protest to being in private with him, they passed thru the open doors and stepped out onto the terrace. He led her to a darkened corner overlooking dimly lit gardens where several people milled around. Mr. Sinclair leaned his back against a wrought-iron railing, his legs casually crossed at the ankle and his arms across his fine chest. The man exuded relaxation as though he hadn’t a care in the world. Unless one looked deep into his eyes to see the wariness. Strange. What did Mr. Sinclair have to be wary about as they discussed his cousin?
Facing him, she toyed with her fan, which hadbeen wrappedaround her wrist. “I’m at a loss.”
One side of his mouth tipped up, making him look devilishly handsome and dangerous. Dangerous because she didn’t want to play whatever game he was playing. It was clearhe was up to something.
“I presume you are wondering if he can perform his husbandly duties because of his injuries.”
Mortified at his words, she gasped and turned to leave. His hand reached out, curled around her upper arm to stop her. Ignoring the heat of the contact and the warmth of her cheeks, she turned back and tried to think of a scathing remark. Her tongue, however, refused to work.
“Please forgive me. That was uncalled for. A gentleman never says such things to an innocent. I find myself, for the first time since Newbury sustained his injuries, envious of him.” Stepping closer to her, he cupped her chin, tilted her head up, forcing her to look directly into his dark blue eyes. “I find I want what he has. To my dismay, Ifind myself wantingyou.”
She swallowed, her pulse hammering inside her body to go along with her beating heart. Not to mention, her insides fluttered with what she believed was desire. Having never felt it before, she couldn’t know for certain.
“I want one kiss. Just one, may I?”
Penelope couldn’t breathe, nor could she move. She’d fallencompletelyunder this man’s spell. What a horrible person she was to be wanting a kiss from the cousin of her betrothed. Where had her honor and respect gone? She may havebeen broughtup differently than anyone else in attendance tonight, but her mother instilled honor and respect in her. Not only respect for others but herselfas well.
Kissing Mr. Sinclair displayed neither of those attributes. Looking into his eyes, which had darkened with what she recognized as want, need, and desire had the tip of her tongue running across her lips as they’d become parched. The thumping of her heart near deafening. She inhaled gently and held it inside her lungs as the anticipation dragged on and on. Did the man not mean to prepare her for hislips.Just as she planned to step back and give up, his breath skated across her lips. His mouth so close to hers she felt the heat.
“Forgive me.” He stepped back and bowed. “I find I can’t disrespect Newbury, or you.” Stunned speechless, her eyes bored a hole through his back as he retreated inside the ballroom. She gasped, dragging in much-needed air into her lungs. Her hand gripped the iron railing as she continued to breathe in and out, in and out. Part of her was relieved Mr. Sinclair didn’t kiss her. If he had, it would plague her with guilt. And the next time she was in the Duke of Newbury’s company, she would not be able to look him in the eye. Yes. It was a good thing he didn’t kiss her. Her fingers touched her still trembling lips and the not so quite proper part of her wished for the kiss. His honorable actions had her wanting him more. Wanting one man and marrying another. Attracted to both men in unique ways. What a dilemma her young self had fallen into.
Once her nerves settled down, she entered the ballroom, her eyes seeking her family or a friend. Too bad she had no friends. Someone to help her forget what almost transpired out on the terrace. Just as she was giving up hope, she spotted Emma and Bella, sitting together looking as though they were gossiping about someone or something. She forced herself to stroll slowly halfway around the ballroom so as to not draw attention to herself. When she really wanted was to hike up her skirts and run. Something she could not do unless she wanted to cause even more of a scandal than she already had just by being present tonight.
Finally she arrived at their side, dropped into the vacant seat next to Bella, and sighed.
“Where have you been?” Emma asked as she sipped champagne and nibbled on a biscuit. I was ready to find Thomas and have him search for you.”
“Yes,” Bella said with a sparkle in her eyes and a beautiful smile on her equally beautiful face. “Where have you been? Did Mr. Sinclair steal a private moment with you? Which would be most improper seeing’s how you are affianced to his cousin. But I must admit, he cuts a dashing figure and his face is mighty handsome. If either of you repeat this, I’ll deny it. I can’t have Myles thinking there is any gentleman more handsome than he.”
Penelope didn’t know what to say. Did she confide in the ladies or keep her secrets to herself? Perhaps if she explained what happened, they could advise her what to do if she found herself alone with Mr. Sinclair again.
“I have something to say. But you each must promise me it goes no further. Don’t give me the line you have no secrets from your husbands because that’s not true. Everyone has secrets.”
