Page 65 of Second Alarm
"I'm not going to do it in the dark again." I hold her gaze. "I did that once. I came out the other side of it alone and I'm not doing it again."
"You think I am?"
"I think we're doing it right now."
"We're figuring out — "
"We're sneaking around. There's no other name for it."
"We're being careful."
"We're lying. I don't want to lie to Cal. I don't want to lie to the crew. I don't want to lie to Micah, who's a good man and has enough on his plate without carrying the weight of what he watches us do."
"Oh my god."
"I don't want to lie to your mother — "
"My mother knows."
That stops me. "What?"
"She knows, Ty. I saw her on Sunday. She didn't say it. But she knows. She's been knowing probably since I moved home, because she's my mother and she raised me and I'm not actually as opaque as I think I am, which is another conversation for another day."
"Then — "
"Don't. Don't try to use that as — "
"Your mother knows. Mine doesn't, because mine is in Boise and we don't talk. Cal doesn't. Derek doesn't. Riley probably does because Riley is Riley, but she hasn't said it, which means officially she doesn't. And the rest of the crew — "
"You want me to tell Cal."
"Yes."
"When."
"Tomorrow."
She laughs. It's not a laugh. "Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
"Ty, you're out of your mind."
"Probably."
"You want me to walk into my brother's place tomorrow morning and say, 'Hey Cal, the guy whose back you've had since you were a kid has been in my bed?— '"
"Yes."
"'And also, ten years ago during the academy he was in my bed every night for three months — '"
"Yes."
"'And we lied about it to you then and we've been lying about it to you now and I'm home to stop lying, Cal, I'm home to be honest.'"
"Yes, Hanna."
"No." She pushes off the sink and paces to the fridge and back in her thin athletic socks — I saw them once under the table at her mother's house; specific memory, entirely useless. "I can't do it tomorrow. I can't do it on Saturday. I don't know when I can do it."
