Page 39 of Before the Bond
"Does it get easier?” I asked. “Figuring them out?"
By this point, Stella was cleaning out the last thread of alcohol in her glass. "Here’s the thing, Olivia," she said finally. “You shouldn’t put too much energy into ‘cracking the Ashwood vault.’”
“You can care about them,” she said. “They’re not bad folk. Not by any means.”
“But?” I mirrored.
“But you need to be a person outside of them,” she said. “Have things to do, passions to bide your time.”
Her eyes looked toward the crowd. She stared at it fondly and smiled.
“My place is here, for instance,” she said. “I get to be around cool people, new faces, good food, good drinks…”
She shrugged.
“That way, if something stings, it feels the smallest bit duller.”
Stella’s anecdote reminded me about the wolf story Caleb mentioned. How the wolf’s mate didn’t leave because the bond made it feel like ruin.
Was I doing that to myself?
Was everything starting to revolve around them?
I knew I cared for them. That much was made clear when I almost fought with Caleb over Jake’s condition.
But how much of it was actually eating up my life?
I thought about how I usually went about assignments. I never got too close.
Maybe something about seeing everyone, every waking hour of my day, got past walls I thought would hold.
“What do you suggest I do?” I asked. “I’m not exactly in the position of having too many hobbies.”
That was another thing that hit me.
I had things I liked. I just didn’t make time for them.
I realized just how much of my life was simply moving around.
I turned to Stella. She smiled and touched my arm lightly. “You could start visiting more, for one,” she said.
I beamed. “Cheers to that.”
Our glasses clinked.
I said goodbye to Stella around eleven. This was after temporarily leaving the bar, eating sloppy joes at the diner, and taking in the evening air.
“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?” she begged as I unlocked my car door. “The real fun kicks in around 2 a.m. That’s when everyone starts getting tipsy, and betting on darts.”
I laughed. It felt so good to laugh without having to worry about anything else.
“I need to make sure Jake’s tended to first thing in the morning,” I said. It wasn’t a lie. I was still worried about a possible relapse from him.
Stella nudged my arm slightly. “Oh, fine.” She looked back at The Tap. I could tell she was thinking about whether they needed her back there already.
“I’ll be fine,” she said. “You head back.”
Stella relented. “Same time next week, then?”
