Page 78 of Expecting an Argument
I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. “Beau, I told you months ago that I never wanted anything serious.”
“A bit late for that, isn’t it?” He scoffed. “Having babies together is pretty serious. So is living together, and sleeping together every night, and taking you to every doctor’s appointment.”
My eyes popped open. “Don’t you twist our circumstances—as if any of it was my idea! You inserted yourself into every aspect of my life because you said it was for the good of the twins, not because you wanted a relationship with me!”
Pecan shells crunched under his feet as he took a few slow steps toward me and leveled my glare. “And you didn’t have to keep fucking me, but you did. You can’t stand here and saythatwas for the good of the twins.”
An imaginary fist wrapped around my heart and squeezed. My lower lip twitched once, the only hint of emotion I dared to let show. “That was a mistake.”
“You don’t have to remind me.” He turned away and walked toward the stump. “I’m the biggest mistake of your life—that’s what you said at Christmas. The pregnancy was like prison and your only crime was me.”
He yanked the ax out of the stump and flashed me a cruel smirk. “Well, good news, sugar. Your sentence is almost up.”
He picked up one of the split halves and set it atop the stump.
I rested my head against the bark of the pecan tree as anothercrackshot through the air. “Beau…you aren’t a mistake. I don’t want a relationship, but it has nothing to do with you.”
He ignored me, tossing the split pieces of wood into his pile and picking up another half of the log.
I chewed on my lower lip. How could I possibly get him to understand? I didn’t want to hurt him—not by leaving him and not by being with him either.
“I j-just…” I stammered, my eyes falling to Titus as if he could help me. “I promised myself I would never commit to anyone after my dad left.”
Crack.
“For fuck’s sake, Olivia,” Beau huffed as he tossed the ax aside and stomped through the grass toward me. “Really? You’re going to blame your dad?”
I furrowed my brows. “It’s the truth!”
“It’s pathetic.” He folded his arms across his chest and stared down at me. “You’re going to deny yourself a potential lifetime of happiness with another person because of what some asshole did more than twenty years ago?”
“It’s a lot more complicated than that!”
“It’s a bullshit excuse and you know it. What if I blamed my dad for all my fucked up choices?”
“Youdo.”
He flung out his arms. “And look where that got me! I’m practically a hermit. I have no friends and no real accomplishments. The only bright spot in my life was you, but that crashed and burned too.”
Beau pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long sigh. “At Christmas, we had that conversation about trying.” His hand fell from his face and he looked at me with softer eyes. “I tried, Olivia. Everything you needed, I provided. Everything you wanted, I gave you. And…I’ll keep trying. Every day. If it’s for you, nothing is too much.”
I took quick breaths as I squeezed my arms into my chest, forcing myself not to cry. I couldn’t crumble now, not when I was drawing the line in the sand that I should have made long ago.
But I was a weak, foolish woman, and I had to know.
“Why?” I asked breathlessly. “We wouldn’t have picked each other if circumstances were different, so why do you keep trying forme?”
“If circumstances were—?” His brows furrowed for a moment before he let out a short, exasperated sigh. “Damnit, Olivia, you’re so focused on how we got here that you can’t even see where we are.”
“And where are we?”
His brows stayed pinched as his eyes bored into me. “How can you not see—?”
Beau held his breath and his strong frame shook like he struggled under an invisible weight. Though in that moment he was Atlas with his whole world on his shoulders, his brows softened and his fists loosened at his sides. A gentle breeze brushed the strands of sweat-soaked hair off his forehead. His throat bobbed with a slow swallow, like he was preparing to announce a verdict.
I suffocated at the sight of him, realizing with paralyzing horror exactly what he was about to say.
My head shook as I whispered, “Beau, don’t.”
