Page 53 of Bad Influence
“There are different mediums of art,” I say. “Obviously, you see the beauty in a lot of everyday things that people might miss. I looked for color. You looked for a life in color. That’s the difference.”
I push her phone back.
We finished the rest of our meal in silence, watching the road outside. Even silence with Caroline it’s different. It’s more peaceful, less lonely. I haven’t once thought about going back to the apartment. As long as I’m next to her, I’ll spend the whole day outside.
After lunch, we just walk around aimlessly. I think she enjoys this part as well. Because she appreciates life and she wants to be a part of it. Not other people’s lives. She wants to be a part of her own life, and not just as a supporting character. No one is telling her what to do, what to eat, what to wear, all the things I’ve seen happen to her myself.
“Come on, I’ve been saving the best for last,” I tell her.
Caroline looks up as we get closer and pouts. “This is our apartment.”
“We’re not going back yet,” I say.
We walk farther to Brooklyn Bridge Park and as I expected, Caroline’s jaw opens slightly as she looks at the view.
“Oh my gosh, this is literally five minutes from our apartment,” she exclaims, walking towards the railing.
It’s busy this time of day, people sitting on the grass, on the benches, standing along the railing. Caroline easily finds a spot and she’s so bright, people notice her right away. Especially a group of guys standing not too far from where she is. They glance at her in appreciation and open curiosity.
Stepping up next to her, I hide her from their view, glaring at them. It’s enough to make them look away quickly.
“I want to go on one of those,” Caroline says, pointing at a ferry.
“I should have expected as much,” I say.
She turns to look up at me, tugging her sweater closer around her. It’s gotten cooler as the sun dips and even more so closer to the water. Caroline’s cheeks and nose are slowly turning red. I remove my jacket, draping it over her shoulders.
“You don’t have to do that, it’s not that cold,” she protests.
I press my finger against her lips. “Shh. Don’t argue. Just watch.”
Caroline watches me with wide eyes, breathing out softly before nodding once. Removing my finger from her lips, I turn to the water, curling my hands around the railing so I don’t touch her again. I feel her eyes on my hands and it’s not the first time. Even when I’m cooking, she’s looking at my hands. I don’t understand what fascination she has with them.
We watch the sky change from blue to pink, purple, orange. The sun reflects across the buildings of Lower Manhattan, lighting them up like they’re on fire. Occasionally, I glance at Caroline and she seems lost in thought, watching the sun set.
“What are you thinking?” I ask softly.
She shakes her head, still looking at the water. “I don’t think I’ve felt this way in a long time.”
“Like what?” I ask, curious.
Caroline licks her lips, doesn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “Quiet. Calm. Not anxious. Like my nervous system is crashing and there is nothing I can do to stop it.” She looks up at me. “At the same time, I feel this is an illusion and it’s going to disappear as soon as I blink.”
“I used to feel the same way,” I tell her.
“And? How did you get over it?”
I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. “By telling myself that if it’s real, I get to experience it all again tomorrow. If it's an illusion, then I know what I have to fight for. You have to be willing to fight, Caroline.”
Swallowing, she looks back at the water. “I don’t want to fight alone.”
“Who says you’re alone?”
When she turns to me, I’m already looking at her, telling her silently that I will be by her side if she needs me. The softest smile curves up her lips, and she breathes out a heavy sigh, as if exhaling all the pressure and negativity before she turns back to look at the water.
CHAPTER 16
Caroline
