Page 125 of Bad Influence
“Please excuse me,” I mumble.
Pulling my hand out of Killian’s, I turn around and speed walk to the exit, gasping for breath.
CHAPTER 33
Caroline
“Caroline.”
I jerk when Killian drapes his coat over my shoulders. Somehow, I’m a block away from the Met and I’m not sure how long I’ve been standing here. It couldn’t have been more than a minute because Killian’s not about to let me walk around the city while he’s with me.
It’s interesting, when he’s not with me, he trusts that I’m capable enough to look after myself. When he’s with me, it’s almost like he expects that I rely on him entirely because I shouldn’t have to worry about my safety when he’s there to protect me.
“I’m sorry I left,” I say, watching the traffic. We should move. We’re literally standing on the sidewalk on Fifth Ave and we’re getting strange looks from people blocking the pedestrians.
“Seeing Rebecca was a shock,” Killian says.
I nod, not looking up at him. “Do you remember her?”
“Vaguely.”
“Her last name is Perry. Her family is the firm’s biggest client.”
I finally look at him. He’s watching me with a blank expression.
“We’ve been gone for about two minutes so I’m sure everyone knows by now.”
Killian blinks once. “You don’t want them to know.”
“I didn’t say that,” I say. I’m feeling antsy so I start walking, crossing the street with the flow of traffic.
“What do you want me to infer from that?” Killian asks. He’s keeping pace with me easily.
There’s something about this city at night that’s so invigorating and it fucking sucks that I can’t enjoy it or my post coital glow.
“I wanted to tell them myself instead of making it some sick, salacious gossip,” I say.
“You think that would have made a difference? That they would understand if it came from you?”
I glare at him. “Why are you fighting me?”
“I’m not, I’m just trying to understand your point of view,” Killian defends, his eyes flashing in anger. “Because I fucking love you, and first you panic at the thought of marrying me and now you’re freaking out about our families finding out. I don’t know what the problem is.”
His words are like cold water thrown in my face. In a good way. Because they ground me and ease the panic in my chest.
“Of all the things I feel guilty about, loving you isn’t one of them,” I say. “Loving you is the best part of being free. It makes me feel more like myself than anything else ever can. I don’t know who I am if I’m not loving you.”
Maybe we really are chaotic because why else would we confess our love in the middle of Fifth Ave like we’re in a movie?
Killian steps forward, his eyes soft as he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Remember that day on the ferry you asked me what my ex-girlfriend found.”
I nod. “I hope you’re really going somewhere bringing your ex-girlfriend in the middle of our love confession.”
His mouth tilts up into a small smile. “She found you, Caroline.”
“What do you mean?”
Killian sighs. “I mean, she found paintings of you that I’ve done over the years. I always thought you must have been mine in some past life and in this one, I’m forced to bring you to life in paint while I watch the real life version of you be with someone else. When I came to you five years ago and asked you to leave with me, it was right after she found the paintings.”
