Page 111 of Bad Influence
“I had to put up with a lot of shit because I didn’t want what they wanted,” I say.
“I was fucking glad to go away to college, even if I had to attend law school. I only did it because I wanted to prove to them that I could and as soon as I graduated, I realized that I didn’t actually care what they thought. I’ll always be a disappointment and I was fine with that.”
Caroline rolls her eyes. “You’re not a disappointment. You’re amazing, brilliant, and the bravest person I know. I’m glad you asked me to come back.”
I cup her face, dipping down to kiss her. “I’m really fucking glad you didn’t marry my brother.”
CHAPTER 30
Caroline
We stepout of the shower when my skin starts to prune even though it feels so good under the cold water. We dry off and I wrap a towel around myself before going to my room to get dressed. And by dressed, I mean, I pull on a pair of tiny sleep shorts and a thin tank top.
Even though I sleep with Killian now, all my things are down here in my room. I tried sleeping in my bed after the first time we had sex and he practically carried me up to his room.
Am I upset, he asked. The wedding never felt like mine. None of it ever felt like mine.Thisfeels like mine. This city, the friends I’ve made, this apartment,Killian.
How do I tell him that he’s always been mine? That even before this summer, a part of me has always belonged to him, and that in exchange, I always let myself believe that he belongs to me.
I’m not upset.I’m scared.
I’m scared the brightness of my eyes is going to dull. I’m scared the bubble of happiness I live in is going to pop one day soon. I’m scared our families are going to do everything to force us apart. I’m scared that one day Killian is going to get bored of me and he’ll think I’m not worth the effort.
Perfectly normal things to worry about. It’s not like happiness is ever guaranteed. I should worry about the fact that I was supposed to get married today. Just because my family has stopped calling me doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten.
I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they’re also planning on suing me.
I step out of my room and see Killian in the kitchen, wearing another pair of shorts, wet hair slicked back. I go back into my room and grab my phone to quickly capture the view.
Killian sees me and gives me a flat look. “Caroline.”
“What? I need some eye candy. You look sexy like this.”
Killian rolls his eyes, though I don’t miss the way his ears turn red.
“You’re blushing,” I tease.
“It’s a hundred degrees here. I’m hot,” Killian says flatly.
“That’s precisely what I’m saying,” I say.
I sit down at the counter and notice his sketchbook next to me. He usually keeps it in his room because he sketches before bed. I’ve never peeked through it even though I’m very curious.
“I’ve drawn up some ideas for you,” he says, noticing my gaze. “Look through them.”
“For my tattoo?” I ask, excited. It feels like we talked about it forever ago.
“Yeah, towards the back.” He flips the sketchbook to where he wants it. I start looking through it while he gathers the ingredients for our lunch, his famous—only to me—cranberry sauce mushroom grilled cheese.
I flip through his sketches slowly. Mostly to give myself time to see them carefully, but also to admire his sheer talent. These are just small sketches, mostly florals and the attention to details and precise work draws me in. There are so many butterflies, small, large, some done in colors, others charcoal black.
I flip the page and there’s a sketch of a woman, half dark, half light, smoke and shadows, her eyes closed. She’s wearing a crown of flowers and the thorns dig into her skin, blood tricklingdown her face. The most haunting part of the sketch is that she’s smiling.
“Is this me?” I ask, looking up at him.
“Don’t take it too literally,” Killian says.
“So it’s me,” I confirm. I look back at the sketch, wondering if I should be upset that this is how he sees me. A woman of smoke and shadows wearing a crown which makes me bleed and I still smile through it.
