Page 57 of Bad Influence
“You scared me!” I say. How does he make no noise when he moves around? It’s inexplicable.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he says, though he doesn’t look apologetic in the least. He nods towards my laptop, “what are you doing?”
“I’m preparing my résumé so I can start applying for jobs,” Iexplain. “There’s absolutely no way I’m going back to California now. Maybe I can’t cut them off completely but I do know that I can’t live with them. Because living there isn’t a life at all.”
I look at him over my shoulder.
Killian’s eyes move back-and-forth between mine. “You’re really serious about this?”
Pushing my hair behind my ear, I turn on my stool to face him completely. “I feel like this is the only opportunity I’m going to have to live my life the way I want to. It’s like you said the other day, if this is an illusion then I need to know what I’m working for and if it is real, then I want to hold onto this for as long as possible.”
He watches me carefully for a moment and then nods.
“If you’re absolutely sure, I think it’s a good idea,” he says.
I love that he always carefully considers what I’m saying instead of reacting. It’s like what I say is important to him and he wants to understand me and my feelings. He’s gruff, and sometimes he forgets that I’m an adult, but he’s never been condescending.
I know it’s stupid, but somehow his agreement and his support means a lot to me.
“Wait, can you practice law here?” Killian asks as an afterthought.
“Uh, yeah. I wrote the bar two years ago,” I admit.
I feel him watching him as I shut my laptop.
“When were you in New York?”
“Gerry brought me here to write the exam,” I explain. “She said it would be a good idea, and that we shouldn’t tell anyone. She told everyone that she was taking me here for a couple of days to celebrate my graduation.”
“She came to see me. But she didn’t tell me you were with her,” he says. He takes my laptop bag and slings it over his shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
It’s so strange hearing him say home when just three weeks ago he kicked me out of that same apartment. Also, no place hasever felt like home before, not even my parents’ house. I grew up there, I lived there my whole life, but somehow it was always my parents’ house. When we’re kids, our parents’ house is our house, but that was never the case with me.
“I asked her not to,” I confess.
Killian locks up and we step out onto the street. It’s still light outside and it’s going to remain that way for the next few months. Summer is definitely my favorite time of the year.
There’s music coming from bars along the street, all the people laughing and talking, the scent of flowers and soil in the air. It’s like the whole world changes and finally feels that it’s okay to open up and take risks. There are so many opportunities hanging in the air and it feels like if you just reach out, if you’re brave enough, the whole world is yours.
“Why not?” I feel his gaze on the side of my head.
“I don’t know,” I say. The truth is, I didn’t want to see him then. It was just after Beckett and I had got engaged, and I knew keeping my distance from Killian was the best.
Before he can ask another question, Killian’s phone rings and he pulls it out, frowning at the screen. Quickly, he disconnects the call and types out a message before sliding his phone back in his pocket.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s just my agent. She wants an update on where I am with the paintings for the upcoming exhibit.”
“Where are you with the paintings?” I ask.
We continue walking down the street toward the apartment. I want to go back to Brooklyn Bridge Park and watch the sun set against the water. I haven’t felt this excited in a very long time.
“They don’t exist,” he replies, looking straight ahead.
“When is the exhibit?”
He gives me a sideways glance. “End of August.”
