Page 161 of Reckless
I searched him over the rim of the glass.“You enjoy that word too much.”
“I enjoy it more when you make it say when I’m deep inside you.”
My whole body lit up.
No change there .
I set the glass down carefully because if I kept holding it while looking at him like that, I’d either spill it or climb into his lap in public.“That was filthy.”
“It was accurate.”
I should have changed the subject.
Instead I asked, “Do you know what’s unfair.”
“Yes.”
“I know it’s big.”
I laughed once, helplessly.“I was going to say that I’m trying to eat dinner and you keep reminding me we had sex on a beach.”
His eyes darkened instantly.
“I wasn’t trying to remind you,” he said.
“That feels like a lie.”
Got me.
I sat back in my chair smiling so hard my face hurt because there he was again, the man under all the control and power and bad instincts.Funny.Dry.Warm in these tiny flashes that felt more precious because he didn’t hand them out to everyone.
“You make me so stupid,” I said.
He watched me for a long second.“No.”
That word hit differently.
Truer.
“No,” he repeated.“You make me less interested in pretending.”
He was right.He made me less interested in performing any version of myself that wasn’t real.
I had been funny or charming or brash or all of it mixed together in whatever combination kept the room tilted in my favor.With Xerses, more and more often, I forgot to do that.
The waiter cleared our plates.Dessert arrived because Xerses had ignored my protest and ordered for us both.Tiramisu.Two spoons.I should have objected on principle.I didn’t have the will.
He handed me one spoon and said, “Don’t make this dramatic.”
I laughed.“You ordered shared dessert.”
“I’ll survive.”
The first bite was absurdly good.Coffee, cream, soft cake, bitter chocolate.
I closed my eyes for one second.
When I opened them, he was watching me, like my pleasure mattered in its own right and not as prelude to something else.
