Page 144 of Reckless
"You were generous.Those are different things."
"When did you become this certain?"
"When I married one of Kelly’s best friends, like half your brothers did.Learn from my or their mistakes.I’m sure we can get a group chat on this."
"I learning from my own mistakes."
"Yours are more expensive."
A pause.
"You already know what you need to do," he said.
"Yes."
"Then do it."
I hung up and drove to her building with nothing in my hands but the truth.
And if she rejected me for it, fine.
I would stand there and tell her plainly anyway.
I love you.The gift was a mistake I won’t repeat.I am here because I should have spoken in your language first, even if it costs me you.
I just hope I’m sorry was enough.
Eighteen
Fallout
Kelly
I made it all the way out of the private room, down the narrow hall, and into the restaurant foyer before I started shaking.
No one passing me would’ve thought anything was wrong.
I was still walking.Still holding my bag.Still moving with my shoulders back and my face arranged into something calm enough that the hostess only smiled and asked if I needed my coat.
Inside, I felt like something had been split open with surgical precision.I had not expected it to hurt like this.
Of course I had expected it to hurt.I loved him.
And somehow that made the break between us even crueler, because it wasn’t caused by a lack of feeling.
If he had not cared, I could have hated him cleanly.
If he had been cold, or manipulative, or another man with money and ego and a taste for women who made him feel powerful, I could have burned the whole thing down inside myself and walked away with nothing but anger.
Instead I had Xerses, meaning well.
Xerses, loving me, yes, I knew it even if he had not said the word, through action and money and control because that was what love had always looked like in his life.
And me, seeing all of that and still knowing I would die slowly inside it if I stayed.
The hostess asked me something again.
Right.
