Page 15 of Sainte
“I did, but it wasn’t without a lot of heartache.”
“Yeah, I know. Okay, gotta go. Talk to you guys soon.”
“You got it.” I disconnect the line.
Chapter 4
Honey
I really hate that I’m using again, but fuck, it gets me through the rough times. And, if I play my cards right, nobody will ever find out. I just have to be careful not to let it get it out of hand. This ain’t my first rodeo, and I know better now how to handle it all. Once a day. That’s all I’ll need.
I’ve seen Slash several times since Hawk’s funeral. Slash is my dealer from years ago, and I have to say, when I made contact with my old friends, I was surprised to see he was still on the streets. He didn’t change much either. He always scared the hell out of me, but he had what I needed to get through the day. Slash was always erratic and would often yell at me for no reason. He was always looking over his shoulder, and I remember thinking he needed to find another line of work. If you could call what he did an actual job… He lived in constant fear of being busted, and I was always too dumb to care.
It’s been years since those days, and I am much smarter now. I’m sitting at McDonald’s over on Plum Street, waiting for Slash to arrive. I grabbed some cash from the register at the clubhouse. I’ve been here twenty minutes already and no Slash.Where the fuck is he?I look at my watch.Damn, it’s almost one.Emma will be wondering where I am. She wasn’t feeling well this morning when the pharmacy called, so she asked if I would mind picking it up for her. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get out without making up a story, but the drug store is only ten minutes from the clubhouse and they had already called her and told her the script was ready. I haven’t even been to the drug store as I planned to meet Slash first.Fuck, how do I explain this?
Thirty minutes now. I have to go. Just as I start the car, Slash jumps in the passenger’s seat. “Sorry, baby, got held up.”
“It’s fine. Whatcha got for me?”
“Now, Mandy, you know how this goes down. You tell me what you got for me, and I give you what you want.”
“I got fifty bucks.”
He shakes his head and then looks around to see if anyone is watching. It’s three in the afternoon so not one of the busiest times at McDonald’s. The parking lot is pretty bare except for a car or two.
“That’s not gonna be enough. I have prime coke, worth at least two hundred bucks.”
“But I only have fifty.” I reach into my pocket and pull out the fifty.
He takes his hand and rubs it over my lips. “You know, Mandy, we’ve always been able to work something out.” He leans in, kisses my cheek, and whispers in my ear, “I sure do miss your luscious lips around my cock.”
I had a feeling this was going to happen, but when he said the words, I couldn’t help but cringe. My thoughts go back to the days when I would do anything for a hit, including just about any type of sexual favor. Back then, I was a slave to the drugs, and it was only a matter of time before they would kill me. But not this time. It’s different. I’m different. I know better, and I know how to control it.Of course you do.
I really need that coke.
He holds up a bag of precious white powder. At that moment, I don’t care what I need to do to get it. I need that white powder more than I need air to breathe. I hand over the fifty, and he smiles while he undoes his zipper.
When I finish with the blow job and Slash is satisfied, he hands over the blow and leaves my car. I wait for him to disappear. Once he is no longer in sight, my tears fall and I sob. I’ve done what I swore I would never do again. I can’t control this, and I was a fool to think I could. I know better. But when it comes to getting the drugs or not, my mind goes immediately into the mode of doing what needs to be done to get it.
I start the car and begin to pull out of the parking lot. The white powder is calling to me, and I can’t wait until I get back to the clubhouse. I stop and stick my pinky finger into the bag and then stick it in my nose and sniff. It’s immediate. I feel better already. Even though I’m not happy at what I did to get it, it is still so worth it. I can breathe again.
I pull out of the partaking lot and head back to the clubhouse. When I return, Emma is sitting in the kitchen waiting. “What took you so long, Honey? I was worried.”
“It’s all good. I’m fine.” I say as I place the bags on the bar. I stopped at the grocery store on the way here so we could have a special dinner for the boys to welcome them home. Maybe, more importantly, to celebrate they made it home alive.
“Honey, did you get my prescription?”
“Oh fuck, Emma, I totally forgot about it,” I say as I walk past her nonchalantly. I rummage through the bags. “But I did get stuff for dinner to welcome the boys home.” I’m sure they are all sleeping now. Ice had called Emma last night to say they should be in around four in the morning. Nobody knew where they went, but I’m guessing it had something to do with Hawk and his killer.
“But, Honey?” Emma asks, and frankly her whining is irritating me.
“I said I forgot! Will you quit fucking harping on me!” I snap and begin to unload the groceries. Geez, what the fuck does she think I am, her damn errand girl? She is so fucking entitled.
Emma takes a step back. “Oh, okay. Sorry.” She turns, grabs her purse and keys, and leaves without a word.
A couple seconds go by, and Emma walks back into the clubhouse. What the fuck does her whiny ass want now? “Honey, how dare you speak to me that way? I don’t deserve your disrespect. I am Ice’s fucking old lady, and if I ask you to do something for me, you do it.”
Well fuck, when did the bitch grow a pair? She picks up my keys and throws them at me. My reflexes are all fucked up, so the keys drop to the floor. She looks at me curiously as if she knows. “Now run down to the drug store and get my prescription. I’ll put the groceries away.” Naw, she doesn’t know. She’s too stupid to know a drug addict when she sees one. She’s probably never seen anyone on drugs in her perfect little sheltered life.
