Page 67 of Sainte
I nod. Rebel and Ari say their good-byes, which leaves me and Sainte. I turn toward the kitchen but Sainte grabs my arm.
“Where you goin’? he asks as he pulls me close.
“I was gonna make sure I had everything all cleaned up in the kitchen and the time set for coffee in the morning on both coffee pots.”
“You can check that later.” He bends down and kisses me. It’s a deep kiss, full of lust and promise, but we can’t do this here. The way he makes me scream, Ice will never let me live it down, not to mention all the guests who are staying here tonight. But it doesn’t mean I can’t get a kiss. It’s nice, and I can’t believe I’m his old lady. This man, who I hated with every fiber of my being, is now kissing me and I’m enjoying it. Hawk was right. Damn, Hawk was always right. He saw the connection between me and Sainte long before I did.
Sainte breaks the kiss. “Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?”
I shake my head again.
“Baby, you never cease to amaze me by your strength and tenacity.” His hand caresses my face. “I know how you feel about the Vitalis, but you have been nothing but gracious and kind to them. You were able to put your feelings aside for the sake of me, Ice, and this club.”
I take a step back. “I’ll be honest, Sainte. When you told me they were coming, I was angry. I blamed them and everyone else for Hawk. I wanted a hit, and I was prepared to do whatever I had to do to get it. I came downstairs to ask one of the guys for a ride and saw you and Ice talking at the bar. In that moment, the disappointment I saw from both of you flashed before my eyes. It tore at my heart, and I knew I would never do anything ever again to disappoint either of you.”
I fidget, wringing my hands together, as I’m really nervous to tell him this next part, but the road to recovery is honesty. So, here goes.
“I realized something else too. I do love Ice, but it’s different than my feelings for you. I will never, nor have I ever, felt for him what I feel for you.” It has taken me a long time to understand my feelings for Ice. Hell, I truly believed it was love. When Emma came back, I was shattered but held strong, but then Hawk, Sainte, and shit hitting the fan all happened, and everything went south. Maybe I needed to fall off the wagon to wake up again with a whole new perspective.
Oh, shit! Did I just tell him I loved him?
I watch him closely to see if he has anything to say, and when he doesn’t, I’m both relieved and disappointed. I guess he will tell me how he feels in due time. He’s the kind of guy who won’t profess his love to a woman the same time she is talking about another man. His ego is way too big for that and will definitely require center stage. I look down at my hands then back at Sainte
“Hawk’s death was nobody’s fault.” I take a deep breath. “Damn, that was so hard to say. But I know it’s true. It just took me a long time to realize it.”
“So you don’t blame anyone for him dying anymore?” he asks.
I take a step closer and look him directly in the eye. “No, I don’t blame anyone for Hawk’s death. I don’t blame myself for making him hurt before he died nor for not loving him the way he deserved. His death, although tragic, was a hero’s death. He died protecting his president and his best friend. He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
“Do you have any idea how long we’ve all been waiting for you to realize that?”
“I know. It took me falling hard in my own disaster to wake up and take into account the kind of man Hawk was. He would not—no matter if he were happy in a relationship with the person he loved or not—let Ice or any of his brothers get hit with a bullet if he could stop it.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I’ve been so much trouble for you, Ice, and the club.”
He pulls me into his arms. “Baby, look at it this way. You being a pain in the ass brought us together. I don’t know about you, darlin’, but I’d do it all over again if I knew it would end up like this.”
Tears well in my eyes. “Really?”
“Really,” he says. “Look, I know this is all new between us, and we have a lot to learn about each other, but there is no other woman I want to be with. When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is of you. When I go to bed at night, I dream of you. I love ya, darlin’.”
Oh! My! God! He said it. Do I say it back?He’s looking at me and waiting. I need to say something, but do I open my heart? Do I lay my heart vulnerable at his feet, in the hope he doesn’t trample over it?Oh, fuck it. I do love him, and I’m not gonna hide it from him anymore.“I love you too, Sainte.”
That cocky, smug grin of his—the one I used to hate—appears, and I realize now, I really do love that too. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me again. When he breaks the kiss, he asks, “Ready for bed?”
“No, not yet. I need to make sure the coffee is set for tomorrow.”
He nods. “Oh, okay.”
As I walk into the kitchen, I call back to him, “And what was that all about with Ari and Rebel?”
He follows me into the kitchen. “Try to imagine what it is like for Rebel dating Ice’s kid sister,” he says, and the realization hits me.
“Oh fuck, I never thought about that.”
“I thought if we took their room, maybe you could come up with the excuse that you wanted to be here early to ensure everyone had coffee and breakfast. Then perhaps they could get some privacy for a night or two.”
I punch him lightly on the arm. “Why, Nick Saintero, you are quite the romantic.”
He grins. “I aim to please,” he says and pulls me into his arms for another kiss.I am so in love with this man!
