Page 40 of Malachai
He nodded. “Eat your breakfast, Indigo.”
And I remembered those were almost the exact words he’d said to me back then. Except it had been dinner, and I’d been sad. Now guilt was threatening to swallow me whole.
Chapter 17
Indigo
The wine I drank had my feelings sitting heavy in my chest, making everything feel loose and stupid. Making me feel petty. I’d had too much at dinner on purpose. Because sitting across from him at breakfast, listening to him talk about how he let me stab him just so I could feel better, left me feeling like I needed something to take the edge off the guilt crawling up my throat.
We were in bed, side by side, not touching. The silence between us felt louder than the city outside.
“You’re thinking too loud,” he said, his voice low and flat.
“I’m not thinking.”
“You’re lying.”
I turned my head. His profile was sharp in the dark—all hard lines and shadows. A beautiful statue that could kill you without blinking.
“You were right,” I whispered. “About Dame.”
He didn’t move. He just kept staring at the ceiling like I hadn’t said anything at all.
“I spent three years hating you for something you didn’t even do.”
“Longer than that,” he replied quietly.
A dry, bitter laugh slipped out of me. “Yeah… longer than that.”
The silence took over again. I could hear every slow, measured breath he took.
“I almost called you,” I said.
That got his attention. His head turned, and those gray eyes pinned me to the mattress.
“When?”
I swallowed hard. “Pick a night. Any night in the last three years. The first week I was gone. The night I sold my wedding ring. The night some drunk asshole grabbed me in the club and I had to break his wrist. I typed your number so many times the screen started to feel warm.”
His jaw flexed. “But you never pressed call. So why even say it?”
“Because I knew what would happen,” I said. “You’d answer. You’d say my name. And I’d come back if you asked me. I was too comfortable with you back then. I accused you of romanticizing our forced marriage, but I had started to, too. You were the beast who turned human for a little while.” I took a breath. “I felt safe with you, even though you’re the antithesis of safe.”
“You should have called before youhadto because you needed me.”
“No, I shouldn’t have. Because you used the excuse of being ‘born indifferent’ to disregard my feelings when it involved Sasha. And look what happened. You deserved to be left the fuck alone.” I didn’t feel guilty enough to bite my tongue.
He shifted closer, not touching me yet, but close enough that I felt the heat of his body.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. The words felt foreign in my mouth. “For hating you for the wrong things. I still hate you a little for the right reasons, though,” I mumbled into his skin.
He moved so fast I didn’t have time to react. His teeth sank into the side of my neck, hard enough to bruise. I gasped, my hand flying up to push at his chest, but he was already there, pressing me down with his weight, pinning me exactly where he wanted me.
“What the fuck, Malachai? Are you a fucking dog?”
“You said you hate me.”
“So? I can say what the fuck I want to say.” The pain pushed the guilt further down.
