Page 10 of Night Fall
“Shh, love,” Erik said, his voice low and quiet. “Sleep now. I am with you.”
A small smile graced her lips as he settled in behind her, the warmth of his chest seeping into her back and she further relaxed into his embrace.
The following morning, the sun shone brightly into her room, alerting her that she had slept well toward midday. She rolled over onto her back with a sigh. She knew the feeling of Erik sleeping beside her had simply been a dream, but it had felt so real, so deliciously perfect.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, the only release she could find for the weight of it all. Two days ago, her only concerns were unrequited love and a feeling of unbelonging. Now she was worried that the love of her life had fallen into chaos and possible ruin because of her, and beneath it all were the memories and emotions of that fateful day.
Rape was a common issue in England—and all over the world, Mya assumed—but as far as she was aware, nobles were normally spared from experiencing such a thing. It was more usual among the commoners, simply because the rich could afford justice and the poor could not.
It sickened her that this was an accepted normality of their society, but after having gone through it she realized it was so much worse. Mya had been spared by her vampire nature. Yes, Tubert and Albin had attempted to help her, but what could a crippled man and his young son do against four nobles? They, much like Erik, were willing to risk their lives to help her, but what about all the women who did not have someone to do that for them?
Mya was not sure if stopping her rape before it happened was better or worse for her psyche. Did she really deserve to feel as though she was a victim of a crime that she was lucky to not fully experience, when there were those that had it so much worse? Was it any better when she now knew the outside world was not safe for her, that at any time she could be made to go through the same thing again?
She shook her head, harshly wiping away the tears at her eyes.
No, comparing her trauma and pain to someone else’s would never get her anywhere, yet it still hurt. It still cut at something inside her to have to go through all of this in silence. If Erik had not been there, she would never have told him. She would never have told anyone. Her secret would have died with those men, and now, once again, she wished she had killed them.
Perhaps she should not be so villainous. Perhaps that was not what a young woman of her stature should think of as a resolution. Perhaps her morals were skewed because she was more monster than human, and yet, humans could be the most monstrous of all.
Mya sniffed and wiped the snot from her nose. Those men may have not raped her, but they had stolen something from her: the last remaining strands of her naivety. Any innocence she once had was now gone. Mya could only see this world for the darkness that lay inside of it, and she, just like every being on this planet, held some of that darkness.
When Erik returned, and he would return to her, even if she had to hunt him down and bring him back kicking and screaming, she would ask him to help her understand that darkness. She would tame it, use it, morph it for the future, because she would never be a victim again. Her life, regardless of how much it made her ache inside, was still her own, and she was done living by the laws of others that did not serve her. She had the power to save herself from any fate she chose, but she needed to learn that power, learn how to use it and harness it in a way that worked best for her. And once she did, she would use it for others as well, and to hell with anyone who stood in her way.
Mya sat up and squared her shoulders with determination. She took a deep inhale, intent on calming her inner thoughts, but instead she choked on the scent on her skin: pine, ash, smoke, and cinnamon. She froze, then in a flurry of movement, she twisted her nightgown and lifted it to her nose. On her next inhale, she sobbed in realization. She had not dreamed of Erik; he had been there. She held her pillow up to her nose and smelled him all over it. A shaky laugh escaped her as she hugged it close. He had come home to her! He was safe.
He was in my bed.
The thought made her cheeks warm, but then a chirp drew her attention to her window. Pale red curtains were dusted in swirls of beige and bronze and held open by beige tassels at the corners, revealing a matching sheer curtain which allowed the light to filter in. Mya never liked to close her curtains, preferring to fall asleep to the sight of the moon and wake to the sun. As she watched the light filter through the thin fabric, she noticed a small red ribbon trapped under her window, keeping it cracked open just enough to let the typical call of the birds sound than normal.
Mya knew with absolute certainty she had left her window closed last night.
So that is how he entered my room.
She padded over and lifted the window with a small smile, plucking at the piece of red ribbon. When it did not come away in her hand, she realized it was tied to an object. Tugging on it led her to a bundle full of herbs.
Mya breathed in the fragrances of lavender, sage, mint, lungwort, and rose, all the herbs she had bought from the apothecary on her last outing. She fell to her seat beneath the window and hugged the herbs to her chest, basking in the aroma and thoughtfulness behind the gift. The fact that Erik would go to such lengths when he realized how much this meant to her was overwhelming. She was in awe of his care and attention, and she had to force herself to breathe through the tender feelings it invoked.
She needed to see him, to thank him and talk to him about her thoughts and desires. But if Erik was nearby, why would he have used her window to come in and out of her room? Why would he have left the herbs for her to find, instead of bringing it to her directly? Something was amiss.
Mya pulled on her indoor clothes and ran out of her room to find him, but much like before he was nowhere to be found. No one knew of his exact whereabouts, nor were they concerned. Erik had left a letter before heading out once again, stating that he would be busy for several more days but would return as soon as he could.
The news crushed her. Not because she expected his attention or a personal letter but because she knew it was a lie. Erik had never left her alone for so long without speaking to her directly and explaining where he was going. This had to do with her, with her assault. She knew that like she knew her own name. The worry came rushing back, crashing into her, and fresh tears spilled down her face, because she knew the truth. Whatever had happened, whatever Erik had done, had now grown increasingly more complicated, and it was all her fault.
Three more days had passed, and with each one Mya feared she was losing her mind. More gifts had been left outside her window: a book she had been coveting regarding the study of physiology, more herbs—the kind that only doctors were allowed to purchase—and a letter.
She had read that letter more times than she could count, and yet she found herself sitting on the chair beside the window with it in her hand, reading his scrawled penmanship once again.
“Mya,
I hope these herbs will assist you in your experiments. I expect to hear about them when I return. Please do not worry. Make sure to eat and sleep regularly. I will be with you soon, fagr skjaldmær min.
With all my love,
Erik.”
Mya rested her head against the window and sighed, her breath fogging the glass as she tightened her grip on the letter.
Where are you? Are you hurt? Are you in danger? Why will you not let me see you, Erik? Why will you not tell me what has happened?
