Page 47 of Night Fall
“For years I was lost without you. I wanted to die. I tried to kill myself, but my brother didn’t believe you were dead and fought for me to stay alive. I was angry at him for that, and I was so angry with you for leaving me, for not giving me a chance. I’ve … managed through the years. I go out on hunts, and I kill, and it makes me feel a little bit better because whoever I save gets a second chance. I take risks because if I die it doesn’t matter, and for three hundred years that’s how I’ve lived.”
“Mya—”
She shook her head, and he closed his mouth. “I lived that way until eight months ago, when I found out you were alive and were being held captive. Since that day I’ve been scouring the city for you. All I wanted to do was find you, and now that I have, I can’t believe you’re here. I’m scared you’re just a ghost that will disappear if I touch you. When I think of what we did in that cave, that I gave my virginity to you, I worry that it’s all just a dream, that I’m asleep somewhere right now and when I wake up, I’ll have to go back to the horrible reality where you’re not standing in front of me. I’m both overjoyed to see you and terrified of losing you every single second that goes by. I’ve never felt so weak and so scared in my whole life, Erik.”
She forced herself to breathe to try to stop the way her body trembled from that fear. “When you left, you took me with you, and now that you’re back, I’m forced to reflect on things I never thought I would. I don’t want to be distant from you, but I don’t want to hurt you with my anger and hostility. I want to love you, but I’m afraid that when you get your memories back and I find out you left me because I was never enough to keep you, it will damage me beyond repair. And even with all of that I want to hope…”
Mya trailed off. She struggled as she took off the necklace and undid the clasp, pulling the ring free and letting the chain drop to the floor. “But it doesn’t matter, does it? Because in the end, regardless of what happened, of how many years have gone by, there’s only one thing that will always be the truth between us. That I”—she took his hand and slid the ring onto his finger—“much like this ring, will always be yours.”
She bit her lip hard and let the small sliver of pain cut through the sadness threatening to take her over. Then she smiled and began to walk away, to hope she could save herself from the torrent of feelings washing through her.
An arm around her waist and stopped her.
“Let me go,” she said firmly.
Erik’s grip tightened. “No.”
“Let me go!” she screamed. “Let me go, let me go, let me go!”
She fought against his embrace, but he just held her. She couldn’t break away, and she would have fallen to her knees, defeated, if he hadn’t kept her close. He turned her and she sobbed into his chest so hard that she shook them both. He combed his fingers through her hair, and it made her cry even harder, because he’d always loved to do that so she’d kept her hair long in memory of him. Everything she’d done was in his memory, and now he was here. She didn’t want to lose him again, didn’t want to let him go, didn’t want to push him away, but she was torn apart, and her mind told her that she needed to preserve herself, that distance was protection.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair while he stroked her back. “I’m so sorry.”
She continued to sob, her tears hot and angry as the pain she’d felt for centuries poured out of her. When at last her grief began to lessen, he squeezed her shoulders.
“I didn’t leave you,” he said, his voice so strong and sure, but Mya knew he was mistaken.
“You did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
She drew away from him and furiously wiped her face with the back of her hands. “Please don’t say that for my benefit. Don’t lie to me.”
“Mya,” he whispered, and the way he said her name like a tormented plea made her pause. He cupped her face and made her look up at him as he said again, “I did not leave you. I swear it.”
“And the letter telling me goodbye? What was that then?”
“I don’t know—”
She shook her head and tried to pull back from him, but he held her still.
“Stop.”
It was not a suggestion but a command, and even after all this time she found herself pathetically listening to it.
“What you said, what happened to you…” He swallowed. “What I made happen to you broke my heart, but when you turned to walk away, to hide yourself from me? It shattered me, Mya. I cannot fathom not having you by my side, and I cannot think about not being by yours.”
She dropped her eyes from his. “Because we consummated our mate bond.”
“No!” he said sharply, and her eyes snapped to his. “No,” he said again, running his fingers over her cheeks. “When Johanna takes your memories, it feels like something’s missing. It’s in the back of your mind but you can’t figure out what it is, and your heart can’t connect to it. I knew there was something I wanted to get to, something I searched for beyond freedom, but I didn’t know what it was or where to find it. I didn’t know, until you saved me.”
She turned her head from his, but he ever so gently, so carefully pulled it back. She closed her eyes, guarding herself from his expression because she couldn’t stand to see the way he begged her to believe him. If she did, if she looked at him now, she would. She’d believe anything he told her, trust his decisiveness, his devotion, as she always had, and in the end, it would only break her further when his memories came back and the truth was revealed.
His lips brushed her eyelids in a gentle kiss that stole her breath. “You are my salvation, Mya. I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you, just as I know what my heart felt then and what it feels now. There are a lot of things there—despair, concern, sorrow—but there are other things too. Hope. Patience. Compassion. But more than anything, love. I love you. I loved you, and I will always love you, even if you were to leave me today. But if you did, you would take my heart and the entire essence of who I am. I know that now, and I know I knew that before, just like I know it would have been the same way for you. I would have never willingly, selfishly, put you through that pain. And when I get my memories back, I will prove it to you. I swear it.”
SEVENTEEN
Mya’s house was deceiving. It sat toward the back of a large, encased piece of land, lined by trees and the lush forest on either side. It was entirely made of stone in a cottage style, but the real brilliance was the interior.
