Page 43 of The Fire Captain's Unexpected Baby
“You sure you’re ready to give them up?” Megan asks. “I have to say that you look good with a puppy under your arm.”
“Too many bathroom accidents,” I laugh. “I’d rather have the knockoff designer handbag.”
“These puppies won’t last on the adoption floor for long. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Megan puts the puppies in the playpen in the middle of the kennels.
“Just promise me you’ll find them good homes.”
“You know I always do.” She gives me a knowing look. “With a rescue story like theirs, someone will give them an excellent home.”
I prompt Noah to tell the puppies goodbye. He blows a few messy kisses, lets them lick his sticky hands, and squeals when I take him back to the car. Part of me expects him to throw a tantrum, disappointed that we can’t stay. But he simply looks out the window from his spot in the car seat.
How did I get lucky enough to have an easy kid?
We ride through town with the windows down, relishing our time together. As nice as it’s been having Aaron around, there is a part of me that feels the weight of an extra person. It’s always been just me and Noah—us against the world. Before that, James and I had been together for so long that I just didn’t know what life was like without him.
Being with Aaron forces me to rediscover parts of myself that I thought were long dead. Other times, I think that I might be learning who I am for the first time. He lights a flame in me, one that only he can put out.
Only one person I know understands what that’s like.
I drive there on autopilot, hoping he will be home. Before I can even get Noah out of his car seat, Levi races out of the house like my engine is on fire.
“Everything is fine,” I say, holding up my hands to convey that I’m innocent of whatever crime he thinks I’ve committed. “Noah is fine, too. We just came to… spend some time with you.”
“The kids are with their grandparents, but Noah can play in the backyard.”
He leads us through the wooden gate to his yard, where there is a small playset just Noah’s size. The grass is thick and lush under our feet, so I kick off my shoes.
“You haven’t stopped by just to chat for ages,” Levi says with a quirked eyebrow. “Seems you’ve been too busy for your big brother.”
“Something like that,” I admit. “I know Aaron is your captain, and that makes things complicated for you. But I just… How did you know that you wanted to take things seriously with Amy?”
Levi takes a deep breath and blows it out loudly. He runs one hand down his face, a telltale sign that he’s gathering his thoughts. Knowing how hard it is to talk about the reason he’s widowed, I stay quiet and wait.
“She changed my world,” he begins, his voice low and gentle. “Before everything, she was bright. Vibrant. She had this zeal for life, a kind of infectious enthusiasm that mademewant to live, too. Eventually, I decided I didn’t want to live that life without her.”
The weight of what he didn’t say hangs between us. Amy was a beautiful soul until the very moment that should have made her happiest: the birth of her second child. Postpartum threw her into a deep depression.
Levi and I both knew the signs, but we were so swept up in Bea’s birth that we missed them. Amy took her own life when Bea was just six months old, leaving Levi alone with two kids. She made him want to live, but she couldn’t see that future in the end.
“Is that what this is about?” Levi turns to me, taking his eyes off the playset for a change. “You’re worried that you’re going to lose Aaron like I lost Amy and you lost James?”
“Not entirely.” I avoid his eyes. “I wanted this to be casual. I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more than that. I have Noah to think about.”
“If you’re here asking me this question, I think we both know that it isn’t casual anymore,” Levi says. “If you’re not scared of losing him, then what’s the hang-up?”
“What do you think of him?” I try a different approach.
“I thought he was closed off when he moved to town. A bit hard to read. But he seems to have opened up. The guys like him. He’s a strong leader. Pitches in whenever someone needs him. Brave.” Levi lets a smile tug at the left corner of his mouth.
He’s not telling me anything I don’t already know about Aaron.
“But you’ll have to decide if that’s what you want,” he adds.
When he says it like that, it sounds like a no-brainer.
Aaron has a steady career, doing work that we both believe in. His values align with mine, and he’s the kind of man I could see stepping up to help raise Noah. The kind of man who would stick around for him.
“I think that’s what I needed to hear today,” I sigh, after I mull it over for a few minutes. “Thank you.”
