Page 95 of Bargain with Fate
His face drained of color again. “Undo my successful spell?”
“No offense, Stephen, but I think we can both agree that your spell was far from a success.”
“What if I don’t want him back? What if I want us to stay separated?”
“That shadow is part of you, whether you like it or not. You’re not separate entities. You are him and he is you.”
“That isn’t true. I’m not a killer.”
“Maybe not in the traditional sense, but it’s your shadow that’s consumed with rage. Allyourrage.”
His brow creased. “Does this mean I’ll feel mad about things again?”
“I would expect so.”
He looked crushed. “It was such a relief not to be angry all the time. I thought I finally hit that relaxed stage of life, where nothing bothers me.”
“It’s okay to be angry sometimes, Stephen. In fact, it’s normal.” Anger could be a useful emotion when it became fuel for change instead of fire for destruction.
“It wasn’t okay in my family,” Stephen said. “I wasn’t allowed to cry or yell or express any strong feeling, so I learned not to have them anymore.”
My father used to say that anger was a secondary emotion. That if I felt angry, I needed to look deeper and identify the emotions lurking beneath it and address the root cause. If I heeded his advice as a child, I didn’t remember it.
“You still had them, Stephen. You just learned to suppress them instead of process them. You know, Dr. Adam is an easy person to talk to.”
“He’s a healer,” Stephen replied, by way of objection.
“Yes, a healer of the mind as well as the body. If you’re not comfortable with him for whatever reason, I’m sure we can find you someone else.”
“I’ll have to find someone on the mainland willing to visit me in a paranormal prison in the middle of the desert.”
I said nothing. I didn’t see how Stephen could escape some form of punishment. An innocent woman died as the result of his actions. A certain level of justice had to be served, but justice was no longer my domain.
The wizard opened the file folder, resigned to his fate. “We should get started, I suppose.”
“If you find it too difficult, I can do the spell,” I said.
Stephen inhaled deeply. “No, it should be me. I created this mess. I’m the one who should undo it.” He collected the ingredients and placed them neatly on the counter, along with a mixing bowl and a blender.
“A shadow smoothie?” I asked.
“Basically. If I drink the same potion again, it should reunite us.” He sprinkled a teaspoon of cinnamon into the mixture.
“Why cinnamon?” I queried.
“Nothing to do with the spell. I like the taste.” His finger shook as he hit the button to blend the contents.
“You’re doing the right thing, Stephen.”
“I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier.” He poured the slush into a tall glass and brought it to his lips. “Here’s mud in your eye.” He paused, frowning. “Do people still say that when they toast?”
“Probably not since 1949.”
“Ah, well. I was never cool.” He gulped down the potion, then calmly rinsed the glass and placed it in the sink.
“How long will it take?” I asked.
“It was fast the first time, so not long, I expect.” He rinsed the blender, then put away the gathered ingredients. He was tidy, I’d give him that.
