Page 56 of Valley Girls
“I just saw Walker, and he ...”
Rilla turned her back, tuning out the conversation and tying her knot with trembling fingers. She couldn’t care about anything else right now. Nothing except proving herself in front of everyone.
The first pitch of the climb was only about fifty feet, but the wall kept going up beyond the anchors. She stepped inside the start of the chimney, her body gently hugged by the cool granite. She closed her eyes to steady herself, and she was back in Rainelle, gripping the edge of her desk, high, and bored, but not high enough to not feel the itch to move deep down in her bones and buzzing in her head and the clock ticking above the door. Savannah Hayworth smelled sickeningly of vanilla and when she turned to talk to Laurie, sitting behind Rilla, the curled ends of her hair swept across Rilla’s desk, making her fingers crawl and itch.
The man who was responsible for the fleece pullovers Savannah wore every day climbed this for the first time. He stood in this exact spot.
She opened her eyes and exhaled, putting her palms to the granite. The ghosts here weren’t like West Virginia; but there was something aware and alive all the same. She just didn’t know yet if she’d fit into it.
Adeena and Petra talked about the weather. The coming rain. And if certain people in the house were going to make it back in time. Caroline was silent and watching. Rilla looked down, suddenly uncertain quite how to begin. Terrified to try and fail while they all watched.
“Running out of daylight,” Hico said.
Rilla shoved her feet onto one side of the wall and pressed her back against the other. It got her off the ground. Awkwardly. She cleared her throat and began inching up the chimney. Keeping her back pressed tight. Her hands bracing herself to move her feet up, just as she’d been taught.
“All right, you’re doing it,” Petra said, keeping the rope taut as Rilla moved up.
Rilla paused in between movements, self-conscious as she looked down between her arms and legs. “Am I though? This does not feel pretty.”
Adeena laughed—she’d stretched out on the ground beside Hico, head propped up on her bag. It made Rilla’s heart squeeze in envy—envy for what? It made her feel sick to realize she wanted the relationship—the shared bond—with Walker, just as much as she wanted to hook up with him.
“Take your time and figure out a rhythm,” Petra said.
“Bump and grind,” Hico yelled. “Bump and grind.”
“Let her just figure it out herself,” Caroline said to them.
Petra probably rolled her eyes, but Rilla didn’t look. She took a deep breath and went back to wiggling her way up the chimney. It got worse and worse. She was still wearing shorts and a tank top, and having to smash herself into the rock any way she could, meant wide swaths of her skin were getting shredded by the granite. Despite the cool temperature, there was no breeze in the chimney, and she was soon dripping sweat. Adeena had done this from the ground up, without the rope secured at the top, and with all the risk and responsibility of going first. Caroline had done it in a similar way—dropping the rope into the gear Adeena had placed. Rilla was the follower. No risk. No responsibility. This was easy. Especially for someone who wanted to show them she could climb like them. That she could learn to lead.
Wincing, Rilla stretched her arms and dug her fingers into a seam at the back of the chimney. In her head, it played out crystal clear—the slip of her foot and the sickening wrench of her fingers, still locked into the seam. Ugh. She pushed and tightened and every muscle snarled with tension. Slippery. Tenuous. The worst.
She was going to lose it.
She was going to fail.
Somehow, she pushed upward. Her cheek scraped the granite. Her feet felt uncertain. But she was doing it. A guttural wrench of air burst from her lungs and she managed to work her fingers out, give them a shake, and stick them back into the crack.
“Take a second. Try something different, if what you’re doing isn’t working. Look outside the crack, or whatever. There’s no rule that says you have to get deep up in there,” Petra called.
“Focus on a rhythm,” Adeena said. “It just has to work for you.”
Caroline was silent.
Probably standing there, watching with pity. Or maybe she’d left. Why would she stay to watch thegumbyclimb anyway?
Rilla swallowed against the sick feeling, gritted her teeth, and kept going. All she could think was that this was horrific, and horrible, and she was bleeding, and Caroline was still there—or she’d left—and Rilla didn’t want to do it.She didn’t want to do it.
But somehow, it got done. She managed to get the gear out of the wall and hooked on her harness, cleaning the route without dropping anything or falling. And in no time at all—but what felt like a century—she pulled even with the anchors.
“Got you,” Petra yelled. “Tell me when you’re off belay.”
“K,” Rilla yelled. She leaned back in the harness, feeling raked over and brutalized. Her body trembled. Bled. She’d done the best she could. It might be enough. She wiped at the sweat around her eyes and looked at the anchors.
Adeena and Petra had drilled the process of cleaning anchors into her head, and she’d done it a few times while climbing. It wasn’t brand-new. But the consequences of messing up were so extreme, it was impossible to not feel a bit of nervousness tight in the back of her throat.
“Can you do the anchors now? We need to go find some people,” Petra yelled. “Sorry.”
Caroline said something Rilla couldn’t hear.
