Page 80 of Valley Girls
It was everything.
In sight of the house, he let go. “See ya ’round, West Virginia.”
She didn’t respond—all the feeling was stuck in her throat. Turning, she wistfully watched the sway of his shoulders as he walked back into the dark. The wind blew and she shivered, longing rippling into something else. It was terrifying to want something she’d never wanted before—something that would expose her and risk herself in a way she’d avoided. Curtis had never been a risk, not like this. She narrowed her eyes into the dark. She wanted him, even if she had to work for it. Turning, she headed inside.
Thea was asleep on the couch when she went inside—belly down, fingers on the floor. And drooling. Rilla paused by the couch. Hopefully, Thea hadn’t been waiting for her.
Rilla showered off the dirt and grime. When she closed her eyes, all she saw was dihedrals and arêtes and her body making angles to work her way against gravity. She defied gravity. Broke the rules. And had come back alive.
After her shower, she came out to Thea sitting upright, with a stack of paperwork in her lap.
“Thought I heard you come in,” Thea said. “You look like you got sun.”
Rilla looked at her pink shoulders and shrugged. “Want tea?”
“No ...” Her gaze flickered over Rilla. “I mean ... sure. What were you up to all day?”
“Playing outside,” Rilla answered, pulling a mug out of the cupboard. “I heard about your river thing.”
Thea made a noise.
“Are you ...” Rilla frowned and watched the microwave numbers descend. Somehow it seemed silly to ask her sister if she felt okay. Thea was always okay. But suddenly Rilla wondered if that’s just how she saw Thea because that’s how she wanted to see her. She swallowed. “Are you okay? I heard they’re going to live.”
“Yeah. We seemed to get to him in time. I’m just glad it wasn’t you,” Thea said, standing and stretching her arms wide. “I didn’t anticipate how I’d assume every rescue call was for you.”
Rilla snorted. “I’m notthatmuch of a disaster.” She wasn’t. She’d climbed with Caroline Jennings and everyone had lived.
“You’re not a disaster, baby girl.” Thea pulled her forward and kissed her forehead in a way that made Rilla feel young, in a good way. “You’ve been doing so well. I’m proud of you. I’m so glad you’re here.”
The microwave dinged.
“But just because you’re not a disaster doesn’t mean disaster can’t happen to you. You can do everything right, and still not come back alive,” Thea said. “That’s just the risk we take to live our lives sometimes.”
Rilla pulled out the hot water and added a teabag. She handed Thea the mug and took a deep breath. If she could do it on the wall, she could do it here. “I am sorry.”
Thea’s forehead creased. “For what?”
Rilla swallowed. It was a little easier than it’d been the first time, but not much. “I am sorry I made you feel like you had to tell Mom something you weren’t comfortable sharing. That wasn’t right of me. I didn’t realize I was making it about that. But I can see now, it was easier to make it about you and your feelings than to admit how angry I felt when you left.”
“Anger isn’t an emotion, it’s a reaction,” Thea said.
Rilla made a face. “Ugh.What do you want from me?”
Thea smiled softly. “Yeah, I know. It’s hard for me too. To talk about my feelings.”
If she wasn’t angry when Thea left, what had she been? She chewed her lip. “Abandoned? I felt abandoned. Everyone started leaving. Granny died. Daddy ... Marco,” she corrected. “Left. Then you did. I can’t fault Granny for dying. But you and Daddy—did you just leave because he did?”
“No!” Thea sat down, looking stunned. “No, that wasn’t it at all. I was angry at Daddy for leaving. I didn’t even talk to him except for a few years ago. I left because I had to. I didn’t mean to abandon you, but ...” She rubbed her face and sighed. “It’s hard to explain.”
Rilla looked at her hands. “I can listen.”
It was silent. Thea exhaled. “Mom depended on me ... to the point where I was paying the bills, I was running the house, and Mom and Tom—they got angry if I did anything else. I woke up one morning and realized this wasn’t how I wanted to live. I was eighteen and if I didn’t leave then, I was afraid I never would.”
“I didn’t realize ...” But Rilla could see it, now when she looked back.
Thea shook her head, dangerously close to tears. “I couldn’t stay, Rilla. I’m sorry.”
“I wouldn’t want you to have stayed. I just didn’t know that until now.”
