Page 39 of Beloved
“I don’t play games. I’ll say it one more time. I want you to leave and stay away.”
Several seconds ticked by and I refused to budge, lifting a single eyebrow and remaining unblinking. The sweet girl was searching my soul, struggling to find the goodness that didn’t exist. I had no conscience. I had no sense of loyalty. Something in my expression must have convinced her.
“Well, fuck you.” This time, I allowed her to jerk away and as if for no other reason than to make herself feel better, she cracked her hand across my face.
She had a strong right arm, the pain jarring and more significant than what I’d experienced with the whip.
But not for any physical reason.
Because the ache was one I’d never experienced before.
Golden whimpered and she rubbed her eyes. “Maybe I will hate you after all.”
With such resilience and with her entire life to live, she would forget me soon enough, but I knew somewhere deep within the darkest, most heinous parts of my soul her radiance would linger for many years to come.
A loss that I’d suffer in silence.
CHAPTER 10
Rafaela
My arms ached from the bruises Marco had inflicted.
Dark, ugly bruises that were only now beginning to fade. The one time I’d been caught heading toward the vineyards to try to spy on what was going on, he’d caught me. The pain he’d inflicted had been nothing in comparison to the graphic details of what he’d shared he had planned for Kazimir.
He’d known damn good and well I wouldn’t squeal to my father, which was what had given him the balls to touch me after shoving me against a tree. Even now after days had passed, I shuddered from the ugliness in his voice, the desires for me he’d dared share. God, I hated the man. If only I could kill him with my bare hands.
I stood staring out the window at the glistening lights decorating the olive trees, watching as guests enjoyed the music and food, liquor and champagne brought directly from Paris. A treat, as my father had told me.
Even if I wasn’t speaking to him other than when absolutely necessary.
I hated all men.
My mother had warned me all men were users, capable of heinous deeds and I hadn’t believed her. I’d sensed how little she cared about my father as a child, which was why she was so miserable. As I’d grown older, I’d realized exactly why. Their relationship had been nothing she’d wanted and he was more interested in spending time with other women than with the mother of his children.
I’d finally accepted that what men wanted was to use and abuse women and toss them aside. I’d been stupid enough to lose a little bit of myself in the man who’d told me to go the hell away. Well, fuck him. To hell with him.
I’d never ached as much as I had when he’d laughed at me.
In the five days since the horrible beating I’d witnessed, I’d controlled my emotions as I’d been taught, going about the paces of my life. To school. Homework. Dinner.
My father had kept a keen eye on me, watching me for the first day like a hawk. Tomaso had done the same, acting as if I had plans on running away. I’d wanted more than anything to check on Kazimir, but knew if I had, his punishment would have been much worse.
So I’d been a good little actress, pretending that all the fight had been beaten out of me instead of Kazimir. Maybe I should continue staying away from the handsome Russian. If caught again, any possibility of going to Paris would be cast aside.
Maybe that’s why the ache in my heart was so painful.
With my pulse racing, I stared at my reflection in the glass, studying the dress I’d finally selected. I’d chosen red after all, a color that I’d picked not only in hopes of enticing the man I couldn’t stop thinking about, but also in defiance of the life I’d been born into.
I knew he had to leave, to risk everything in escaping. There was no other choice, but I the stupid girl inside of me hoped that one day he’d find me in Paris. How ridiculous was that?
One day.
“Why are you still up in your room?” Sedona asked just as she threw open the door. “You have an entire table full of presents downstairs and there are some hotties here tonight.” She waved her hand in front of her face, whistling as she did when trying to alter my mood swings.
Nothing would ease the heartache tonight.
Somehow, he’d managed to crawl into my system already and as hard as I’d tried, I couldn’t let go of my longing for him. This was the last night I might ever see him again.
