Page 51 of No Easy Catch
AMBER
Aweek later, I didn’t even think twice about texting Jeff to get together. We hadgotten togetherthree nights since the wall incident and I finally got why people liked sleeping with the same person multiple times. Each experience was different, but comfortable, and a new feeling had started forming in my gut. It was almost a combination of happiness and reassurance, confidence and awareness. Jeff found me attractive—he made that obvious—and having all these new sober sex experiences was teaching me about an entirely different world. I didn’t hate it.
Thinking about it all made my smile almost hurt my face, if I was honest with myself. But instead of freaking out or overanalyzing what it meant, I just went with it.
“Barf. Look at you.” Laney made a stupid face at me and threw a pillow from our sofa as we lounged around watchingRiverdale. “One week of getting banged and you’re on cloud nine. I’m jealous.”
“It’s…it’s been something.” I still had a hard time vocalizing it to Laney, but with each heated look and touch, Jeff was teaching me it was okay to express my sexuality. For the first time in ourfriendship, I felt as if I could be like Laney. Like I could talk about sex without needing a drink or feeing stupid. “I’m starting to understand why people date thesameperson.”
She rolled her eyes, but her face changed to an almost proud one. “Don’t mistake my banter for anything more than that. I’m just giving you shit. Seriously, it’s about time you learn how awesome sex can be and how with the right person… Oh, baby, it’s the best.”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling to myself thinking about Jeff convincing me to try different positions. It was liberating. “Didn’t think I’d be doing this all with Jeff but hey? It’s temporary and I’ll enjoy it.”
“Have you DTRed?”
“Uh, what now?”
“Defined the relationship. Are you just friends with benefits? Are you exclusive?”
My stomach dropped at her question.Are we exclusive?That had never seemed like an issue until now. I never thought about him hooking up with other girls, but I guess he could’ve been.But he says he doesn’t have time.I frowned and a dull headache formed behind my eyelids. “We agreed to explore this chemistry until I finish my project. That’s all.”
“Damn, look at how chill you are. You’re so nonchalant about it. I admire you. The ambiguity of hook-ups stresses me out. Like, are you only hooking up with each other? Or can you hook up with whoever, but make time for each other? Do you go on dates or just spend time naked? You don’t even care if he’s out there sleeping with random chicks each night he’s not with you. It’s why Berkman dumped me sophomore year. He said I was too damn clingy and asked too many questions.”
As I digested every word, dread creeped into my brief moment of elation. Talk about mood swings. One second I was smiling like a goon at my sex life and now Laney’s words crashedmy walls of happiness. She meant well—her intentions were always good for those whom she cared about—but I wasn’t sure she understood the massive impact what she’d said had on me. Because if I thought about it, I did care.
“Oh fuck. Babe, I’m so sorry. I talk too much and don’t think.” She scooted from her spot and moved to sit next to me, getting into my personal space and hugging me tight. “Why are you even friends with me?”
I half-snorted to appease her, but it did nothing to the ball in my stomach. Jeff and I laughed together, joked, brainstormed and talked about the issues in our life. At some point, he’d become a friend and the thought of him sharing all of that stuff with someone else somehow lessened what I had with him.
But what do I have with him?
Goddamn Laney. I rubbed my temples and excused myself to my room. Throwing myself into my Saturday social post would push all thoughts of Jeff to the side—where I was happy to keep all thoughts of him otherwise I’d distract myself into a worry wormhole. I didn’t get far, though. My phone buzzed and my heart about leapt into my throat at seeing my uncle’s name.
“Hello?” I answered, hoping I sounded normal.
“My favorite. How are you?”
“I’ve been good.” I paused and bit down on my nail at the lack of words. He was so easy to talk to, to ask questions or get guidance from, but now, every cell in my brain told me to not get caught. “How are you?”
“What is this small talk? Your voice sounds off. Do I need to take somebody out?”
Can he really do that?
I forced myself to laugh and hated how fake it sounded. It seemed to work, because he chuckled. “I talked to your mother this week.”
“I’m sorry for you,” I responded without thinking, and he cackled.
“This is why we have each other. She complained about spring break coming up and not hearing from you. I refused to do any of her bidding and told her there was probably a reason you don’t call her.”
“Uncle Martin…” I warned, damn well knowing he was causing the rift to grow bigger between us. “Did she get fired up?”
“Oh yes. It was entertaining to say the least. But my reason for bringing that up? I would love to see you over spring break. Maybe you can come visit for a couple days just to get away?”
My heart physically hurt at his question. I wanted him to not be involved so badly that I willed it and would be willing to make a deal with the devil. But it did no good. He was a part of the scandal and it was my decision to balance that knowledge with the man who’d helped keep me sane most of my life. “That would be awesome. I wasn’t planning on going back to the house, so this would be a mini escape.”
“Perfect. I hoped you’d agree. We always have fun and we can talk about your plans after graduation, eh? Get your resume polished and ready to go. I can help you with your search, hm?”
It was like swallowing a fistful of cotton when I tried to get my throat to work. Mydoubtshad doubts about his intentions and my voice was gruff when I responded, “Yeah, sounds good.”
