Page 24 of The Blade in the Ashes
Not in love. At least, I don’t think I’d been in love with him.
Lust, yes. I most definitely lusted after Nikolai Legum. One only needed eyes to lust after him, though.
Actually, with a voice like his—all deep and sensual—you probably didn’t need eyes at all.
It probably had gone somewhat deeper than just sex, admittedly, although it certainly helped that the sex had been positively mind-blowing. So mind-blowing, in fact, that I had reminisced about it multiple times over the past year while I had been alone and frustrated in my bed.
And now there he was, only a few feet ahead of me, smirking at me over his shoulder every so often.
Fuck.
I shook my head as if the motion could clear my thoughts.
I needed to stay focused on the priorities at hand, none of which involved romance.
Or sex.
Definitely not sex.
I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about how defined his biceps look. I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about how easily he could lift me and throw me against a tree and…
Double fuck.
I’d barely been able to stop thinking about sex since he’d kissed me. He’d parted my lips and invaded me like no time had passed at all. He’d enveloped me in that woodsy scent of his and, by the Gods, I had melted right into him.
He’d left me in a puddle and then asked if I remembered the way home with that infuriating grin across his face.
Home.
He’d said it so casually.
As if I reallywerehis wife, and it really was the home we shared. As if what happened between us last year hadn’t been an elaborate lie in which we’d both betrayed and manipulated each other.
I needed to avoid this entirely. Yes, the smart thing to do moving forward would be to just dodge him. I needed to remain focused on the war effortand my duty to protect Clay. Once we arrived, I would stay close to my cousin.That’swhat I would focus on.
Not Nikolai.
Or the way his jawline looked now that he had turned to the rider to his left, giving a command I couldn’t quite hear. It truly was an impeccable jawline, carved by the Gods themselves.
It shouldn’t be possible for a man to lookthatattractive riding a horse, but…
Rankor’s sudden laughter forced me out of my daze, and I glared at him. “What?”
He shrugged, failing to hold back his smile. “Remember when you called Clay a heartsick boy?”
I groaned, refusing to admit the hypocrisy of that particular statement.
Besides, Clay’s situation was completely different. Regardless of the divide that now existed between Thea and me, it was pointless to deny the pure, unchangeable love that existed between her and Clay. They were being forced apart right now, but their coming back together was inevitable. Theadora was Clay’s past, present, and future.
Nikolai, however, belonged only in my past.
He probably didn’t have any lingering affection for me anyway.
It had, after all, been an entire year since we’d parted ways. A year since he’d asked me to trust him and allowed me to leave enemy territory with my life. A shudder worked through me as I pictured that day.
I’d let go of my magic completely, in a way I’d never done with anyone else, and had allowed him to look upon my true form. I’d let him see the version of me covered in scars and mangled flesh and he hadn’t flinched or turned away from a single one.
Maybe you’re not used to people seeing the darkness in you. Maybe I was just the first person who saw it, accepted it, and joined you in it.
