Page 144 of The Blade in the Ashes
I'd never had to think of a conversation topic with him.
Whether I'd been snapping at him and demanding he redefine his definitions of what warranted respect or confessing how deep my affections for him ran, the words had always come quickly and easily. But that had been then. Things were different now.
The dynamic had changed for a myriad of reasons. Every time I looked down at my hands and saw the glint of steel staring back at me, I wasreminded of one of those reasons.We'd lost our future. “I didn't mean it,” I whispered, lost, thinking about the night that had torn us apart. “That night at the castle when I—”
When I married him.
The words fell between us even though I left them unspoken.
After a moment, he nudged my thigh with his knee, encouraging me to look up and meet his gaze. He sat up, hands reaching to circle my hips.
“I know that.” His voice was sure, not an ounce of doubt in it. “I knew the second that you said those words to him that you were simply warning me.”
My chest heaved in a relieved sigh even as I held up my hands between us, staring at the carefully carved dragons resting on the backs of my hands. “So, these things are really permanent, huh? There's no loophole?”
I kept my voice light, teasing.
Secretly hopeful.
If we could just get rid of these bands, Clay and I could have that future together. I would hold both of my hands over an open flame and melt them off if that's what it took.
But Clay only took my hands in his, kissing my knuckles gently. “Until death do you part, unfortunately.”
I scratched at them, pulling my hands from his grip and staring down at the bands in disgust. “I hate them.”
His lips quirked at the sulkiness in my tone, hands coming to my hips again as he sat up further. “Truthfully, so do I.”
Pulling me closer, he rested one hand on the small of my back and the other along my bare thigh. His skin against mine a familiar and calming warmth. I let myself fall into that safety, holding onto his shoulders for balance.
“It doesn't change anything,” hepromised.
I tried not to let my reaction to those words show, but I failed entirely. My frustration was like a third presence in the room.
“It changesonething.”
Everything had happened so fast. One moment, we had agreed to be together despite our bloodlines, and the next, we had lost the fight against Pasnia, and I'd married Caldrius. Hardly any time had passed between those two life-changing events, and yet it had been enough time for me to start picturing that life with him. Enough time to imagine his bands were the ones fused to each of my wrists.
Clay shifted, tugging on me again so that I fell into his lap. Pulling back my hair, he pressed his lips quickly against my collarbone. “I don't care, Thea. I only want you. I need no ceremony or vow between us to know that I want you today, tomorrow, and forever. I don't need you to permanently wear my marriage bands to show the world what you mean to me. You may not be my wife, but you are my partner in every way that matters.”
Not for the first time, his words choked me, eliciting emotions so strong I could hardly breathe around them.
He was right.
I did want him as my husband—I had for longer than I could begin to comprehend—but I didn't need him to bear that title. I only needed him at my side. I needed the moments where he understood me more than anyone else could. I needed his smirks and challenges. I needed the brief moments when he relaxed and enjoyed life. I needed his touch against my body, his lips pressed into mine, his body moving inside my own.
If that was all I could have from him in this life, than it was more than enough. It was enough for both of us.
“We need to go downstairs soon,” I whispered, throwing my leg onto the other side of his hip so that I straddled him along the edge of the bed. His eyes widened as the shift in position caught him by surprise. “But can we wait for just a little while longer?"
His chest rose and fell in steady, measured breaths. “We can wait for however long you want.”
I nodded. Good. That was good.
Leaning forward, I pressed my mouth to the hollow of his throat, sucking on the sensitive skin there. He groaned nearly immediately with satisfaction, hand flying to the back of my head to hold me close.
“Thea.” He was breathless as he said my name.
“I want you,” I confessed, feeling pangs of hungry need shooting through my body.
