Page 105 of The Blade in the Ashes
My grin could have lit up the darkest of rooms.
Nikolai lingered outside, leaning against the wall with a foot kicked up. That irritated frown was still on his face as I pushed the brothel door aside and stepped into the frosty night air.
I didn’t even slow my pace as I stalked past him.
Kicking off the wall, he followed silently, remaining a careful few paces behind as I made my way back to the inn we were staying. I felt his presence even though I couldn’t hear his movements. When we finally reached the dilapidated inn, I threw open the door so forcefully that the hinges still shook as I marched up the stairs to our room.
The lock clicked as he followed me into our room and shut us in together.
“Bird,” he called as I made my way to the vanity.
Glaring through my lashes, I set about undoing the heels on my feet without deigning to give him a verbal response.
“Bird,” he tried again, his tone tinged with impatience.
Once I had undone the many straps and fully removed my shoes, I threw them at him with all my strength.
“Iris!” he chastised, catching one in his right hand and dodging the other.
“What was that?” I yelled, lurching to my feet. “What happened to staying out of my way? I had him, and you almost ruined the whole thing!”
Nikolai dropped the shoes, his eyes seething with anger as he stepped forward. “He was seconds away from bending you over and bedding you right there in front of everyone!”
“And so what if he did?” I threw my arms up, my anger pouring out of me so intensely that my magic rippled and my form shifted momentarily into my true form before I pulled the illusion back into place. His eyes flickered as he noticed the brief change.
“Would you have gone upstairs with him?” Nikolai’s jaw worked as he struggled to get the question out.
“Yes!” I didn’t bother softening the word, even as Nikolai flinched against the truth. “If that’s what it would have taken to get information about where to find the collector, I would have done what was necessary.”
I didn’t understand why that was difficult for him to grasp. The mission came before everything else. It was more important than him, more important than me.
He stepped towards me, pointing an accusing finger at me. “It wouldn’t have been necessary, Iris.”
I met his approach, taking a step forward of my own with narrowed eyes, refusing to back away from this argument.
“That’s not for you to decide. I knewexactlyhow to get him to talk—which he did, by the way, if you’re wondering! I thought you, of all people, would understand how this works, Nikolai, but apparently I am the only one willing to do whatever it takes.”
“No, you were trained to do whatever it takes!” he roared, ice coating the windows as his own magic flared. His eyes burned with emotion. Tension coiled in every muscle, keeping his body like a wire pulled taut. “You do nothave to do that.Ever.I do not want that for you. I do not want you to feel as if you must ever give away your body again for the sake of a mission.”
Again.
That single word stole every retort that had been on the tip of my tongue as it seemed to echo around us.
Nikolai turned away, running a hand through his hair as he worked to steady his heavy breathing. The only sound in our tiny room was the whisper of his heavy inhales and shaky exhales.
“Nikolai,” I stumbled over his name, unable to stop myself from rushing forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “When you and I—”
He nodded, not turning to face me. “I know.”
That had been different. That was so entirely different. When I had offered myself to him that night, it had been because I had wanted it.
I had wanted him.
I hadn’t slept with him because I felt I needed to manipulate him or follow my orders. I had chosen to do that because of the way I had felt for him.
And yet, to him, it wasn’t different at all.
And that knowledge seemed to chisel off a tiny piece of my heart and crumble it into pieces.
