Page 143 of Shy Girls Can't Date Rockstars
I can’t breathe. Can’t think. The walls are closing in.
I push past him and bolt out of the classroom. The hallway is empty, but I still can’t breathe. I press my back against the wall, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor with my head between my knees.
Four counts in. Hold. Four counts out.
But it’s not working.
The door opens, and I hear footsteps.
“Alice.” Ryder crouches down beside me. “Hey, look at me. Look at me.”
I force my eyes up to meet his.
“Four counts,” he says firmly. “With me. In—two, three, four.”
I try to follow, and my breathing stutters.
“Hold—two, three, four.”
My lungs burn.
“Out—two, three, four.”
We do it again. And again. Until my breathing slows and the panic recedes.
“There you go,” Ryder says softly. “You’re okay.”
I’m not okay. Nothing about this is okay.
“How can I go back in there?” I whisper.
“You don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do. I have to.” I press my hands against my face. “I can’t keep running away. I can’t keep being the girl who can’t handle anything.”
“Alice, after what just happened...”
“What just happened is exactly why no one can know,” I cut him off, my voice sharp. “Do you see what they’re like? They heard one vague comment about ‘circumstances’ and turned it into a feeding frenzy.”
“Maybe if they knew the truth, they’d be more sympathetic.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “Sympathetic? Ryder, these are the same people who called me a stalker. Who made up rumors about me breaking your equipment on purpose? Do you think they’ll suddenly become kind and understanding if they find out my parents died?”
“It might help them understand why—“
“No.” I shake my head violently. “They’ll make it worse. They’ll turn it into gossip. ‘Did you hear about the orphan girl?’ ‘No wonder she’s such a mess.’ ‘She’s probably using her dead parents for sympathy.’”
Ryder flinches at my words. “They wouldn’t…”
“They absolutely would.” I wipe my face with my sleeve. “I can’t give them that. I can’t let them turn my parents into a story they tell at lunch.”
Ryder’s quiet for a moment, and it’s then memories flash in my mind. I recall him in one breath apologizing for my loss, and in the next breath telling me life goes on.
I blink at him. Is he remembering the same thing?
I push myself off the floor. “I need to go back in there.”
He tries to stop me. “Alice, take it easy.”
