Page 174 of Shy Girls Can't Date Rockstars
“I got scared because I like you so much,” he says in that raw, gravelly way that sends goosebumps down my limbs. “I didn’t plan on falling for anyone. I was scared I’d lose concentration. You were all I could think about when I was supposed to be talking about the band.”
I hold my breath, waiting for my brain to catch up to the words he’s said.
Ryder looks down at the table. “I’ve been a jerk to you. You don’t know how much I wanted to meet up with you after the gig on Saturday night. All I wanted to do was scoop you into my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. But I went into that stupid VIP room. I had all those meetings on Sunday, when I should’ve been spending my time with you. Watching TV, or cooking, or playing just for you. I don’t care what we would’ve done, I just wish we had done it.”
I grit my teeth, scared of what else he might say.
“I wish I had really listened to you on Monday,” he says, skidding his chair back. The noise forces me to look up and meet his soulful eyes. “I wish I had acknowledged what had made you so angry. I’d only known you to run and hide at school, but there you were in a rage. I should’ve realized something terrible had happened. But I just saw you taking everything out on me.”
“I tried to apologize, but…”
“I know.” He sits forward, his hand reaching across the table. “That’s why I’m trying to apologize now.”
I keep my hands firmly in my lap. “And, what? I’m supposed to forget how you’ve ignored me the past few days?”
“That’s not really fair. You know I’ve been at rehearsals.”
“Don’t guess what I do and don’t know. You haven’t told me squat about what you’ve been doing.”
Ryder flinches, his eyes widening. “Sheesh. You have gotten fiery.”
I shrug. “Pandora’s out of the box. Get used to it.”
“I will,” he responds with a half-smile. “I dig it.”
I keep my frown ironclad.
“I should’ve said something in that hallway.” Ryder’s mouth tightens. “That preppy jagoff, Jasper. Should’ve knocked his teeth out for getting into your personal business.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.” He looks at me directly. “You apologized for blaming me, but I didn’t accept it. I left you, and that’s not okay.”
“Yeah, it’s not what I expected, but we can’t take it back.”
“I don’t expect you to let me off easy.”
“I already let you off easy,” I say. “I came to the library this morning.”
He holds my gaze for a moment. “Yeah, you did.”
“I didn’t want to,” I admit. “I told Miranda repeatedly that I wouldn’t help you.”
Ryder’s hand plants firmer in the center of the table. “So, why did you come here?”
I look at his hand on the table, then at the notebook, and then back at him.
“Because I’m done letting other people’s bad behavior change who I am,” I say.
Ryder is still.
“You iced me out. Jasper made me a headline. Miranda was using me as a chess piece.” I keep my voice even. “And I was about to emancipate myself from the only family I have left because of it. I was going to become someone I don’t recognize, and I’m not willing to do that.” I hold his gaze. “So I showed up. Not for you, but for me.”
“That’s…” Ryder stumbles on the word. “That’s kind of incredible.”
I fold my arms. “Don’t make it weird.”
“I’m not. I’m just…” He looks at me like he’s seeing something he missed before. “You really don’t need anyone to save you, do you?”
