Page 116 of Shy Girls Can't Date Rockstars
“It’s okay, Alice. Just breathe through it.”
Dr. Novak helps me cycle through the four-count breathing technique, and I watch the trembling in my hands ease up.
“There you go,” Dr. Novak says quietly. “You’re doing great.”
I lower my hands from my face, wiping at my cheeks with my palms. My eyes feel swollen and hot.
“I’m sorry,” I manage, my voice hoarse.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” She pushes the box of tissues closer to me. “Take as many as you need.”
I grab a handful, pressing them against my face. Outside the window, I hear birds chirping in the garden. The sound feels impossibly far away, yet startlingly close at the same time.
“Better?” Dr. Novak asks.
I nod, even thoughbetterfeels like too strong a word. “A little.”
“That’s enough.” She leans back in her chair, giving me space. “You’ve been carrying something very heavy. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling right now.”
I crumple the tissues in my fist, staring down at them instead of at her.
“There was really a truck,” I whisper again, still trying to make the information real in my head.
“There really was.”
I shake my head, wincing at the pain inside me. “I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t hear anyone trying to talk to me.”
“Your world has turned upside-down. You did the best you could.”
I wipe my eyes again with the crumpled tissue. “Police, social workers, neighbors. I couldn’t hear them. It was garbled, like I was underwater.”
“That’s called dissociation,” Dr. Novak explains. “It’s your brain’s way of protecting you from information that’s too painfulto process. It’s very common after trauma. You heard your parents were gone, and you couldn’t hear any more. That’s human.”
I stare down at the tissues in my hands, shredding them into smaller pieces. “Even the realtor… I don’t talk to him. My neighbor does it for me.”
Dr. Novak gives an encouraging smile. “Sounds like you have someone in your corner.”
I sigh heavily. “Yes. Mrs. Patel has been very good to me.”
“That’s lovely, Alice. Do you talk to her often?”
I shake my head as shame bubbles up inside me. I look at the carpet below and find the report. I scoop it up and ask, “Can I keep this?”
“Yes, of course, Alice.”
I look up at her and give a thankful nod. “I’ll read it when I’m ready.”
“I’m more than happy to discuss it with you next session, if that’s something you want.”
I fold the paper and set it on my lap. “Maybe.”
“Is it something you would discuss with your aunt?”
The question makes me shudder, and I sit further back in the armchair.
Dr. Novak sits forward in alarm. “Alice?”
I tap the folded paper. “I wouldn’t talk about this with my aunt.”
