Page 100 of Shy Girls Can't Date Rockstars
I sit taller. “I bet they’ll be there with bells on.”
Ryder grins. “Don’t give them any ideas. They might actually attach bells to themselves.”
“If they come for the showcase, maybe I could meet them.”
“That wouldn’t be too triggering for you?”
“I hope not.” My mind wanders to thoughts of home. “Come to think of it, my neighbors have acted like second parents to me, and I’ve totally ghosted them.”
“I’m sure they understand.”
“They’re probably thinking bad things about me because I turned them away.”
“Or, they’re well aware you’ve had to move to a new town with people you don’t know. They’re probably giving you time to adjust.”
“You think?”
“Totally.”
I rub my chest, noticing the lack of an ache. “That’s a better thought than what’s been bouncing around my head.”
He rubs my arm. “You need to give yourself a break. I’ll give you a break too.”
“If I don’t keep giving you a hard time.”
He crosses an X over his heart. “I’ll try my best not to go on the attack when your defenses come up.”
I make an X over my heart as well. “I’ll try to stop biting your head off. I have therapy tomorrow. Maybe Dr. Novak can help me.”
“Focus on yourself, not me.”
“Not fighting with you will help me a lot.” I rub the side of my head. “It’ll save a lot of headaches.”
Ryder mumbles a laugh, and then throws a thumb over his shoulder. “You wanna chill out and watch some TV or something?”
I clasp my hands together, getting ready to plead if necessary. “Are you going to practice today? I’d love to hear you play again.”
“Really? You have the day off school, and that’s what you want to do?”
“Please? Live is so much better than recorded.”
Ryder leans back against the counter, looking unsure. “I did say I would. I just don’t know if I can actually do it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean...” He exhales, dragging a hand through his hair. “Last night was different. You were upset, and I just wanted to help you. There was no time to think about it.” He shifts his weight. “But now it’s daylight and you’re sitting there specifically waiting for me to play, and my hands are already doing the thing.”
I look at his hands. He’s gripping the counter edge behind him.
“I know you like the imperfections,” he says, and there’s something almost embarrassed in the way he says it. “But if I can’t even play for you with zero pressure, what does that say about the showcase? There will be industry people in that room. People who can end my career before it starts.” He shakes his head. “If I fall apart in front of you, it’s more proof that I’ll fall apart when it’s all on the line.”
I slide off my stool and cross to the fridge. Stuck to the door is a magnetic notepad, the kind with a pen clipped to the top. I peel it free and uncap the pen, then cross back to Ryder and hold them both out to him.
He looks at them. “What’s this?”
“Write down what scares you.” I nudge them closer. “Everything. Whatever is sitting in your head right now.”
“And then what?”
