Page 70 of Call You Mine
“She’s right, babe,” Emerson adds, grabbing my otherhand and pulling it into her lap. “We are your support system. We’re your family.”
I feel Jack nudge me with his knee, and I turn to him, seeing a soft curve on his lips. He nods in my direction, and I know he’s echoing the sentiment in his own way.
“And you are so lucky to have someone like Anderson, Ava. I am so proud of you for letting yourself be loved the way you deserve.”
Guilt begins to cloud the moment, and it brings me back to reality—that I’m lying to the people who mean the most to me, that Anderson and I are all for show, that this is all fake.
Rumi continues, “I know it can’t be easy after everything that happened with Jett, but you, Anderson, and Georgie are going to be so happy together.”
At the thought of the three of us, the picture Rumi paints, I feel the familiar tingle in my fingers, but it’s stronger than it’s felt all day.
It’s almost painful, like my skin is burning off, exposing the bone underneath.
It’s like any control I thought I had over this situation, everything I’ve prepared for, all the outcomes I’ve thought through, slip right out of my hands.
All I’m left with is the air to grasp at.
In. Out.
One.
In. Out.
Two.
In. Out.
Three.
“Sundaes are ready!” Georgie calls out from the kitchen.
Emerson and Rumi both squeeze my hands before letting go and standing up and heading into the kitchen, Jack right behind.
I keep counting, needing to get to seventeen.
Because seventeen is how many breaths I counted over thephone with the 911 operator when I was six years old. She counted with me, telling me that the paramedics were on the way, and that they would be there to help my mom wake up.
In. Out.
Fifteen.
In. Out.
Sixteen.
In. Out.
Seventeen.
It’s like my lungs can finally completely expand the moment I get to seventeen, like everything will be okay because I got there.
I slowly stand, feeling a little shaky on my feet.
I can’t keep doing this, letting this number completely control my entire life.
And as I turn around, I see Georgie handing out bowls to Rumi, Emerson, and Jack with a huge grin on her face. I see Anderson scooping ice cream for everyone, bumping his hip into Georgie’s and making her giggle.
I see my family.
