Page 25 of Call You Mine
Not wanting my focus to be pulled away any more from where I am and why I’m here tonight, I look around for the sign for the staircase.
I’ve never even been to Ava and Emerson’s apartment. Ava always comes to mine.
I had to get this address from Jack, and I hope my surprise visit comes across as more of a grand gesture, rather than something a creepy stalker would do.
Setting the thoughts of my family aside for now, I make my way toward the stairs, quickly sending the text with the doctor’s phone number off to Auggie.
Taking them two at a time, it isn’t until I’m standing at her apartment door, my hand in a fist, up and ready to knock, that I realize I have no idea what I’m going to say to her.
Auggie’s phone call got me so sidetracked, and now I’m here with no clue on how I should go about this.
Lowering my arm, I begin to pace. If one of her neighbors comes out right now, they’ll probably call the police, but what the fuck was I thinking? Coming over here without any plan of what the hell I’m going to say.
“Ava.” Her name falls from my lips, just above a whisper. “I need more than the late-night texts and visits from you.” The words fall out of my mouth, practicing what I’ll say when she opens the door. “I need more.”
I cringe at how pathetic I sound, even to my own ears—it’s no secret that I am one pathetic man when it comes to Ava Williams, but there’s a fine line between pathetically infatuated and just fucking pathetic.
And I don’t know if right now is the time to figure out where that line is.
I shake my head, rubbing a hand across my mouth.
I pace further away from her door and down the hall as I try again. “Ava,” I start, keeping my voice low. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and I want you to know how lucky I am to be the person you call when you need—oh myfuck.”
Really?
I can’t even finish that thought without wanting to punch myself in the face.
Pulling at the strands of my hair, I’m thankful that the hallway has stayed empty—I don’t need anyone seeing how ridiculous I look, mumbling like an idiot.
Walking even further from her door, heading toward the stairs I just came from, I try one more time. “Ava, I can’t stop thinking about you.”Okay, could be worse.“I think about you from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, and,motherfucker, she will slam the door in my face if I say this bullshit.”
My cheeks heat at how embarrassing this is, and I’m not even in front of her yet.
I’m tempted to just open the door to the stairs and get right back in my car. She’ll never even know I was here—no harm, no foul.
But then I think about the way her curls perfectly frame her face, and the way her eyes are a type of hazel I’ve never seen before—brown with flecks of gold and a ring of green on the outside of her irises.
I could look into them forever if she’d let me.
And I really wish she would.
I think of the way she can communicate with one lift of her brow, one roll of her eyes, one tilt of her head.
I think of how there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to hear her laugh—the rich, breathy sound that she only lets escape her lips every now and again.
I think of her smile, and how her plump, rosy lips turn up in the most mesmerizing way—and how she really makes you work for a smile that shows her teeth.
I’ve only ever seen it directed at others, and I truly think I would spend the rest of my life trying to get her to smile that way at me—even if it’s just once.
I inhale, letting my shoulders rise as my lungs fill before exhaling with a sigh.
Turning back toward her apartment, I try one last time.
“Ava,” I whisper to myself, “I don’t know what I’m doing, or if I’m blowing whatever chance I thought I had with you by showing up here tonight. But I’m crazy about you. Crazy enough to tell you this, even if it scares the shit out of me. Even if you don’t feel the same way.”
Could be better, could be worse, but it’s honestly the best I’ve got right now.
Back at her door, I raise my hand to knock, tapping my knuckles against the door, and pocketing my hands.
