Page 7 of In Every Lifetime
“What’s got you so thoughtful?”
I jumped at the intrusion, not having heard him come in, and turned to find Will standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen.
“The concept of joy,” I explained and set my glass down. “When did you get here?”
He pulled off his sunglasses and tossed them onto the kitchen counter, revealing his steel blue eyes. "Just now. I walked into quite the scene in there," he nodded over his shoulder towardJackie and Nate. "Figured I'd leave those two to their own devices and check on you."
I smiled at my best friend. We had met during my first year of undergrad. He was five years older than me, thirty-nine to my thirty-four, but had felt like my best friend from the moment we met. Most people wouldn't expect us to be close. He had been raised in privilege and wealth, while my family had scraped and saved to pay for my college. He kept the world at arm's length, and I had a habit of trying to befriend everyone in it. We complemented each other well.
“How do you deal with those two every day?” I motioned behind him.
He smiled wide, one of those smiles I still wasn't used to, the kind that had only appeared after he met Jackie. "She makes life brighter. Why would I complain?"
Under normal circumstances I would have found their love sweet, but at the moment it made me gag, which I proceeded to do rather dramatically.
Will rolled his eyes and sat at the kitchen table, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “Healthy relationships aren’t gross, Sarah.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing he was going to start in on that again. He and Jackie had decided it was time I started dating again, which was absurd. Hell, I hadn’t ever been on a real first date. Fai was my first… well, everything. Our first date had been entirely impromptu, happening naturally from the moment we met. There had been no time to worry about picking out an outfit or agonizing over what to say.
Dating,realdating, wasn’t on my radar. It wasn’t even close.
"It's not going to happen, Will," I mumbled, settling into the chair across from him and crossing my arms over my chest in defiance.
He smirked, mimicking the motion. “Give me one good reason.”
“I don’t want to.” I mimed a mic drop. “Boom.”
He raised a dark brow. "Boom? Really? That isn't a good reason, and I don't think it's the real one anyway. I think you're scared."
“I’m not scared of anything,” I argued.
I didn’t even know why I was arguing. I had quite the list of things I was scared of: bugs, spiders, bees, four-way stops, my living room ceiling. It was evidently an ever-growing list. But dating wasn’t on it. “I’m not scared of dating. I genuinely don’t want to. I know you think I need to find someone—”
“You need to find your person,” Jackie interjected as she wandered into the living room. Will promptly pulled her to him by her belt loops, causing her to collapse on his lap in laughter. “As I was saying before being manhandled,” she said, tossing Will an accusatory look before turning back to me, “you just need to find the person who makes you happy—the one who completes you.”
I groaned and leaned back, staring up at my kitchen ceiling, and now wondered if I should paint that too. “I don’t need to find my person…”
I trailed off, knowing Jackie and Nate would despise my next words. Fai was my person. Sober, stable, Fai was the love of my life. He was the person who completed me. That was why I couldn’t date. I knew I would never find someone like him, and I didn’t want to, at least not yet. It had only been six months since the divorce. Six months since the end of a ten-year marriage, and a relationship that had lasted sixteen years. Moving on wasn’t easy.
When I glanced back at Jackie and Will, Will gave me a knowing look. He knew Fai was on my mind. He had witnessedthe entirety of my relationship with Fai and had the unique perspective of having seen us at our best.
Jackie and Nate didn't dislike Fai simply because of how our marriage had ended. That may have played a part, but the bigger issue was the harm he had caused them both during the height of his addiction. Besides me, they were the ones Fai had hurt the most, his lies and deceit leaving lasting damage as he struggled with alcoholism. They had every right to be angry with him, but I felt it was time they started working through it. To each their own.
"If you're not ready, you're not ready," Will conceded with a sigh, pulling Jackie closer by the waist. "We just want to make sure you're doing okay and not losing yourself in a past you can't go back to."
I smiled softly at my friend. "I promise I'm not. I'm moving on. That's why we're painting this house in the first place. Speaking of which, we should probably get back to it so I finish sometime this decade."
Will and Jackie laughed and wandered back into the living room, where Nate was still diligently painting the ceiling. It looked like we were color-drenching after all.
I lay on the floor in the middle of the living room, staring up at the finished room. It seemed Will had been our saving grace, keeping us in line long enough to finish not just one but two full coats over the entire space.
The dark blue washed over the walls, ceiling, and trim, reminding me of the ocean during a storm. The evening light pouring into the room from the front windows blanketed the space in a warm glow, only making it feel cozier, more like home… more like me.
“You did good, Sarah,” Nate said softly, lying next to me. Jackie and Will had left an hour ago, leaving Nate to finish up. His wife was on her way to pick him up after finishing up her workday. He didn’t drive much, having been in one too many car accidents in his life. “Epic choice of color.”
“Epic?” I asked, turning toward him.
“Mmhm,” he affirmed. “I like the blue.”
