Page 92 of In Every Lifetime
Sarah
“One, two, three,” I spoke aloud to the fading light as I pressed into Fai’s chest in steady beats, willing him to live. Willing his heart to come back to me and his breath to fill his lungs.
He had been under far too long—I’d taken too long to find him. By the time I did, he was already drifting downward, sinking in slow, quiet surrender toward the riverbed.
He wasn’t fighting anymore.
So I did.
I caught his arm and pulled, forcing us upward through the freezing dark. My lungs burned as I fought the current, dragging him with me until we finally broke free of the depths and collapsed onto the river’s edge.
“Breathe, damn it,” I rasped, my words breaking between compressions and desperate breaths.
His body lay slack against the jagged stones at the river’s edge, his feet still swallowed by the current. Without the water to carry him, I couldn’t drag him any farther.
The rain softened to a distant hush, unnoticed. The world had narrowed to him—to the blue tinge of his lips, the unnatural stillness, and the cold seeping into his skin.
My arms trembled and burned from the swim and from hauling him out of the depths, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
I would sit here on this shore, fighting for his life, for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t give up on him, never again.
“Damn it, Fai,” I muttered through tears as I pressed harder into his chest, trying to get his heart to beat on its own as it should. “You promised. You promised you would never leave again. You promised.”
My voice broke on the final word, a tear falling from my cheek and landing on his. It mixed with the river water and rain clinging to him. The sky above cried with me as I ignored the very real possibility that he was gone… for good this time.
After the years of watching him battle this addiction, a part of me had always expected him to die. When I filed for divorce and he came home drunk, yelling about being abandoned by everyone he loved, I wondered if the day I lost him was coming soon. It was always an abstract thought—a faraway possibility I had never fully realized.
Being forced to face it now… it was unimaginable.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. We had finally gotten our second chance. Fai had fought too damn hard to be gone now. He had fought to get sober; he had fought to find his family again; he had faced every fear and every worry. He had fought too damn hard.
I had fought too hard and survived too much. I had waited too long to have him back for him to die so quickly. We were supposed to finally live again. Love again. This couldn’t be the end. I wanted to see him smile again; I wanted to hear his laugh. I didn’t know the last time I heard either—I didn’t know it was the last time. I didn’t know I needed to remember.
“Please,” I mumbled through tears. “Come back to me.”
Whatever gods existed above must have listened. In some twist of fate—what could only be described as a miracle—Fai’s eyelids fluttered before a gush of water came rushing from his lips.
“Oh my God,” I cried, pushing him onto his side as he coughed and retched up water, his lungs emptying to make room for the air he desperately needed. It seemed as if half the river came from his lungs and his stomach as he struggled to breathe.
“Cough it out,” I instructed through tears. Finally, the coughing slowed and his body rolled to his back. His eyes opened slowly. “Fai?”
He was bewildered. His gaze, while on me, was unfocused as he looked frantically between my eyes.
“Sarah?” he croaked.
“Hi,” I muttered through sobs.
“Are we alive?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused about whether we were or not.
I nodded. “Of course! You’re okay. I got you, okay? I got you.”
He sighed, one hand coming up to my cheek and his thumb brushing away my tears.
“Don’t cry,” he rasped.
My tears overcame me as I collapsed onto his chest, sobs racking my body as I held his far too cold body close to mine.
“Don’t you ever do that again!” I cried into his chest.
