Page 30 of Running
And the fact that he opened himself up to such an extent, being so honest and transparent with me.
Here I was avoiding this man for most of the last year, making too many assumptions. But so much had changed over our last few meetings.
And my plan to keep the meeting impersonal? Well, it didn’t last long, because once he said he wanted to be friends and started sharing such intimate parts of his life, I wanted to dig in with him. Understand more. Help him.
Touch him.There were a couple of times I had to fight the urge to reach over to him in comfort.
I’d forced myself to push those impulses away before I followed through.
I fall asleep confused and conflicted. Can we really be friends? Or should I try to minimize our contact and take all these bewildering dynamics off the table? Could I even dothat if I wanted to?
I don’t have an answer when I wake up. I’m just as uncertain, maybe more so.
There’s one thing that will put me in a better mood—a run before my mid-morning class.
Only the typical run around Landon’s neighborhood doesn’t appeal right now.There’s another option, my inner voice pokes at me. One that’s snuck into my mind a few times lately.
The Tolliver University track.
Before I get too much in my head about that alternative, I act on it. Driving to the Tolliver campus early, I veer off to the athletic field area. After parking my car, I get out and walk towards the track.
It’s a beautiful morning—pale blues in the sky, wispy clouds, an open expanse in every direction. Florida skies are so different from ones in New Jersey, where the views are often gray and feel more boxed in. The punishing Florida summer heat that the day promises to bring soon is still at bay this early too.
I change into my running shoes once I reach the track, and throw the small bag with my water bottle and snacks against a bench.
A track used to be my happy place.Anytrack. I’d always loved the steady surface, the predictable distance, the ability to internalize my next objective without worrying too much about external forces—bumps in the road, stop signs, cars, traffic lights.
Until the track became where I stopped believing in myself.
I put on my earbuds, line up at the start, and begin checking off my laps—400 meters each time—at a moderate pace. I’ve never run here before, so it’s not familiar to me.
There are a handful of other people around. Some running laps, some on the field stretching. Nothing organized, just people getting their early workouts in, largely in solitude.
Two laps, three laps, four…
Maybe because it’s a new track to me, it feels like a fresh start. And a reprieve from fretting about Johnson.
Five laps, six laps, seven…
My endorphins are surging by the time I finish my second mile, my body feeling like its purpose is being met.
And a reawakened awareness settles in that nothing feels as right to me as this.
Two days later, I’m back at Tolliver, this time just for class. Today’s surprise is…a text from Johnson.
JOHNSON: Hey, have an update for you. The defensive backs are going to offer to wash someone’s car.
Okay, so we’re texting now?
GRACE: HAHA. Thanks, Johnson, that’s great.
JOHNSON: Nothing like a bunch of 250-pound dudes coming to your house to sud up your vehicle.
I put a laughing emoji on his comment but don’t reply.
The week takes a turn on Thursday, when some unfortunate info hits the media about Landon. He’d had a paternity scare last year after sleeping with an influencer, who ended up getting pregnant. Tests eventually showed it wasn’t his baby, and he’d managed to keep the whole thing secret—until now.
It’s still stressful for Landon that it leaked. Rori and he are close to going public about their relationship. Landon messaged me that he’s worried the leak has soured Rori on the idea.
