Page 41 of Jagger
She crossed her arms and nodded at me, the pinched expression on her face telling me I was in for an earful once she let me have my say. That was OK, though, I’d take that over her shutting me out any day.
“I’ve felt possessive of you since we ate lunch together at the diner. Hell, I’ve told all my brothers that you’re mine, and it just seemed so natural to say it that it fucked with my mind a little bit when I actually thought about it,” I confessed. “And it really messes with me even more because outside of Abby and my Grandma Frankie, I don’t know of any women who stick around because they want to. My mom flirted with other men every time King did something to piss her off, and I’m pretty sure she actually cheated a time or two, before he finally caught her and left her ass. My dad made a lot of mistakes in his life, but cheating wasn’t one of them. Sinner taught us that. If we can’t be loyal to the woman we’ve taken as an Ol’ Lady, or a wife, then how can anyone expect us to be loyal to our club brothers?” That got her attention, and she sat up a little straighter.
“I thought…I mean, with the club bunnies and the strippers and all the women around, I just assumed that all of the men, or at least most of them…took advantage of the opportunity,” she said hesitantly.
“Some do, there’s no doubt about it. Some of the brothers are married or have Ol’ Ladies - which is the same thing in our world - and they still cheat. Sometimes their women know about it and look the other way, sometimes the men sneak around. A few of the women left their asses over it, like Bull’s ex-wife. It definitely happens. But Sinner tried to make sure the men in our family know better, that we do better.”
“That’s a nice set of values to try to pass on,” she said softly, and I was stoked when she directed a small smile my way.
“Well, he learned the hard way. He knocked up Ace’s mom shortly after he got together with my grandma, but he didn’t know it at the time. He wasn’t faithful early on in their marriage either, so Grandma Frankie left him when my dad was a baby. It took him over a year to win her back, and he never made that mistake again. He made sure everyone knew it, too. She was his Queen, and they had almost forty great years together after that. He still regrets those first couple of years though, even after all this time.” I stopped talking for a second, getting lost in the memories.
“He sounds like a good man, Jagger.” I closed my eyes and nodded, wanting like hell to hear my real name on her lips again, but knowing we weren’t there yet.
“He is, and growing up, I thought their relationship was too good to be true, like something out of a fairytale. Nobody else I knew was lucky enough to find that kind of love. My parents sure the hell weren’t. My friends’ parents weren’t. The guys in my dad’s club weren’t. Aunt Bebe and Cowboy were still together when she was killed, but barely. They’d had big ups and downs their entire marriage, and I’m pretty sure they would have been divorced by now otherwise. Every other couple I knew was always fighting, there was always drama going on. It was like a fucking soap opera around the MC sometimes, and it always seemed so stupid to me that people kept expecting to be happy together when literally the only people who had ever managed it were my grandparents. Then Rome met Abby, and man, he fell hard. He told me after school that day that he’d met the girl he was going to marry. He damned near shit himself when he found out the next day that she was only a freshman. She was too young then, hell, they both were, and they went through all kinds of shit because of it, but then she turned eighteen, and they’ve been together ever since. They have the fairytale now, and he’s gonna fuck it all up if he’s not careful and that will destroy him. It will fucking kill him, and I can see it coming but I can’t do a damned thing about it. And then I think, what if that’s me someday?”
Molly’s face fell and she slumped back in her seat. “He’s cheating on her?” she asked sadly.
“Hell no, he worships the ground she walks on. He hasn’t looked at another woman since the day she turned eighteen.” I sighed heavily, thinking about how worried we all were about him. “He drinks too much. Not all the time, but when he does, he gets completely shit-faced and has to sleep it off. It tears Abby up, because she’s worried about his health, and about Ethan figuring it out, and now the baby. It’s been really bad this past year, but he’s gotten a little better recently. She had a scare with this pregnancy, so he’s been trying to be sure he doesn’t do anything to upset her and raise her blood pressure.” Molly nodded sadly and looked down at the hands that were twisted in her lap. I knew I needed to finish trying to explain before she gave up and asked me to leave.
“I’m not sure how to explain it, but I knew I was gonna fuck this up. Everyone told me not to fuck up – my dad, Rome, Abby, hell, even Trick, and it pissed me off, because deep down, I knew they were right, and I was probably gonna fuck things up royally. And it scares the shit out of me that I’m feeling this much for you after only five days. I think maybe tonight I was looking for a reason, you know? I think…maybe I was trying to finish this thing before I get in so deep that it destroys me when you leave.” I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling like I was going to find some goddamned answers up there or something.
“So, you figured if it was going to blow up sooner or later, you might as well detonate the bomb now?”
I chuckled at her analogy, but there was no humor in it. “Something like that, I guess.” Molly stood up and started pacing the small room and I braced myself for the shitstorm I could see brewing inside her.
“You know that was a shitty thing to do, right?” she asked, not even stopping to wait for an answer, so I didn’t even try to interrupt. “It was a shitty thing to think, and an even shittier thing to say.”
I nodded and kept my mouth shut, figuring she was just getting started. Turns out, I was right.
“I get that you had some pretty bad examples of relationships, but how dare you assume that I’m going to fuck you over? How dare you assume that I’m using you? We’ve only known each other for five days, which seems crazy, but we’d gotten close, or at least I thought we had. I thought we were close enough that you would know me better than that, but tonight showed me that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did, and you sure as hell don’t know me. I don’t like the man I saw here tonight, Jagger. I don’t like the man who accused me of lying, and then treated me like one of his goddamned club bunnies,” she sneered angrily.
“I never treated you like a bu – “
“The hell you didn’t! ‘Are you sure you want me to leave? I don’t mind fucking you one more time.’Does that ring any bells for you, Jagger? Because I sure the hell won’t forget it anytime soon. You acted like a sorry-ass rat bastard tonight, lashing out at me over nothing and not giving me a single fucking chance to say anything, or explain anything. Then you had the brass balls to treat me like one of the whores in your club because you thought I had dared to spread my legs for somebody before I met you.” I stiffened at that comment, my gut clenching at the image that popped into my head.
“Well, newsflash, asshole. I’ve had sex before. Not as much as you, I’m sure, but I’ve had sex with other men, I’ve enjoyed it, and I won’t fucking apologize for it!” I gritted my teeth and willed myself not to react as Molly continued to pace back and forth, digging the knife deeper into my gut with every word that fell from her lips. I owed her this though. I owed it to her to let her have her say.
“So, if you can’t live with the knowledge that I had a life before I met you, and if that makes me somethingless thanin your eyes, then you can just kiss my ass and go fuck yourself sideways with a rusty chainsaw!” She yelled, whirling around to face me, then stomped over to jab her finger in my face.
“I’m not going to apologize for having a normal, healthy sex life as a single woman, and I’ll be damned if I let you, of all people, slut-shame me for it when you don’t see a single goddamned thing wrong with passing around your precious club bunnies.”
“They aren’t precious, believe – “
“I’m not done yet!” She interrupted me with a snarl, and I suddenly had to fight like hell to keep from grinning. I wasn’t out of the woods yet, but I could see the clearing up ahead, and in the meantime, Molly was a glorious sight to see as she called me out on my shit. Her blonde hair was wild around her head, like she’d been running her hands through it. She had a slash of angry color across her cheekbones, and she was gesturing so wildly as she yelled at me that I was half afraid she was going to poke her own eye out. She was fierce and fiery, and for some twisted reason, hearing her cuss was making my dick hard. Probably because the only other time I’d really heard her do it was when we’d had sex.
“I get that you feel possessive or jealous or whatever, and I get that you have your doubts, but you have no reason to be that way with me, and I resent the hell out of being measured by somebody else’s yardstick. I don’t cheat, and I don’t lie. If I’d slept with Brad, I would have told you that, and I damned sure wouldn’t have fucked you to get over him, or to try to make him jealous. I have too much respect for myself to play those stupid-ass, childish games!”
I stared at her, drinking her in as she stood at the end of the couch, chest heaving in agitation and her hands firmly planted on her hips. I kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t about to say a word until I knew she was finished this time.
She stared at me for several long moments, and I watched as the fight left her body. Her shoulders slumped and she slowly made her way to the chair and sat down.
“You’re right – about all of it – and I know that,” I said, hoping she could hear the sincerity in my voice. “I’m so damned sorry for what I said, and I’m even sorrier for how it made you feel. I fucking hate myself for making you cry.” I shifted on the couch, dying to move closer and take her in my arms, but I had lost that right, at least for the time being.
“Yeah, I was jealous, I can’t deny that, but it was more than just thinking you’d had sex with him. I thought you’d had arelationshipwith him, one that was serious enough for you to live together, and seeing how close you two still are, fuck, how was I supposed to compete with that? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, Molly. I don’t know how to have a relationship, but God, I’m trying. When I thought there had been something between you and Brad, I figured I didn’t have a chance in hell with you, that you two would end up back together…and it hurt.”
She dropped her gaze from mine, focusing blankly on the coffee table in front of her as I finished speaking. When she didn’t respond, I decided since I had already ripped myself open to her, I might as well keep spilling my guts.
“I wasn’t trying to slut-shame you, and I would never think you’reless than, for any reason. I’ll be honest that I hate the thought of anyone else touching you, and I’m not sure how to explain why or how to stop feeling that way, but I’ll try to rein it in. Just because I’m jealous of any man who ever touched you, doesn’t mean I think badly of you for being with them, or think it was wrong somehow. If anything, I’m the one feelingless than. I’ve always been a confident man - a little cocky, if I’m being completely honest - but I’m feeling anything but confident with you, and I can’t help wondering why you’ve even given me a shot with you. We’re just so different, I guess I saw him as a better fit for you, and it gutted me,” I admitted. “I have a temper, Molly, and sometimes that temper makes my mouth engage before my brain does. As much as I’d like to promise you that I’ll never lose my temper with you, I can’t do that. But I can promise you I won’t lash out at you to try to hurt you, just so that you don’t have a chance to hurt me first.” I swallowed thickly, knowing that I had given her every explanation I had, and had apologized every way that I knew how. I just had to hope that it was enough.
