Page 82 of Rome
“Maybe,” I said, knowing it wouldn’t happen. I was going to cancel my membership tomorrow. “Take care, Grant, and thank you.”
“No thanks needed, babe. It’s been fun.” He threw me a smile and a small wave as he got in his car, and I waved goodbye as he backed out of the driveway.
I immediately unpacked my things, not even hesitating as I pulled out the pretty bra and matching panties I’d bought and tossed them in the trash. There was no way I’d ever be able to wear them again. I bundled Amelia’s dress into a bag and took it out to my car parked in the garage, so I’d remember to drop it off at the dry cleaners before I returned it to my sister. I didn’t want to have to look at it again, either.
I took another shower, scrubbing every inch until my skin was bright pink. I wanted no trace of the weekend left – wanted no reminders of Grant at all, which probably wasn’t fair to him, but that’s just how it was.
Caleb had planned to bring the kids back at four o’clock, but I knew I’d go crazy if I had to be alone with my thoughts that long, so after I dried my hair, dressed, and started one of the never-ending loads of laundry that always seemed to multiply overnight, I texted Caleb.
Me: I’m home now, so if you need to drop the kids off a little early, you can.
He responded less than a minute later.
Caleb: I’ll be there soon.
Chapter 27
Rome/Caleb
The cookout at the clubhouse was so fucking hard. Everyone I loved was there, except for Abby. I saw the worried looks I got from just about everyone there, but especially from my family. Molly and Jagger asked me to come over to their house with the kids to watch a movie or something after the cookout, but I declined. I wasn’t up for anymore socializing. I just wanted to go home, hold my kids, and try to figure out how the hell to live this way for the rest of my life.
Sinner cornered me as I was gathering Everly’s stuff up so we could leave. He plucked Ev out of my arms and handed her over to Ethan.
“E, take your sister over to see your Aunt Molly for a few minutes while I talk to your dad inside, OK?”
I glanced at him in surprise, then saw Molly watching Ethan approach her with a squirming Everly in his arms. Molly took the baby from him with a grin and motioned for Ethan to join her and Viking at the picnic table. Viking had a checkerboard in front of him, and I saw Ethan nod and smile widely as he started placing checkers on the board.
Sinner placed his hand on my shoulder none too gently, all but pushing me toward the clubhouse door.
“Come on, kid. We need to have a little talk.”
Sinner marched me down the hall toward King’s empty office and shut the door behind us after telling me to sit my ass down. I sank down into one of the chairs in front of King’s desk, and Sinner sat down in the other one, after turning it to face mine.
“Listen up, kid. I’ve been watchin’ you and worryin’ about you until I just can’t stand it anymore. I’ve been where you are, and I can tell you one thing. The guilt and regret will eat you alive if you let it, and dammit, Rome, you’re lettin’ it. I know how it feels. Those feelings will always be there, but you need to find a way to carry that burden so that it doesn’t kill you. Your kids fuckin’ need you.”
I started to object, but he shut me down. Hard.
“You told Everly that she needed a happy mom. Well, those kids need a happy father, too.”
“I’m never gonna be happy without Abby, Pop.”
“Yeah, I know how that feels, too, but you gotta learn to take your happiness where you can get it. Find bits and pieces of it, just enough to feed your soul so it doesn’t die off completely. Since your grandma died, I find it on the back of my bike or givin’ Viking hell every chance I get. I find it playin’ with my great-grandkids and keepin’ these idiots in the MC in line. I find it in watchin’ my grandkids grow up to be good people, and that includes you, kid.”
I swallowed hard at the sudden tightness in my throat.
“Do you love her?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know I do.”
“Then why the fuck haven’t you tried to get her back?”
Before I could even open my mouth to respond, he shot me down with, “And don’t give me that shit about not deservin’ a second chance and wantin’ her to be happy. That woman has loved you for years, and if you ask me, she ain’t stopped. She ain’t any happier without you than you are without her, so fight for her, dammit. Make her happy again.”
“You know, Jag told me the same damned thing last weekend.”
“Eh, he’s smart with the ladies. He gets that from me. You take after your dad, unfortunately. That dumbass didn’t give up when he should have with your bitch of a mother, and you gave up too damned soon with your sweetheart of a wife.”
Jagger’s and Sinner’s words kept running through my head all evening long, along with visions of Abby with motherfucking Grant. Once Ethan was asleep and the quiet of the night set in, the visions got to be too much, and I found myself sobbing as I rocked Everly back and forth. I kept imagining Abby kissing him, touching him, letting him do things to her that only I had ever done. I imagined her sleeping in his arms, and waking up with him in the morning, maybe showering with him before getting ready for the day.
