Page 56 of Rome
“No, but I still felt like I was cheating on him, because I knew I loved him. I also felt like I was using Tyler to try to get over Caleb, so I felt bad about that, too. Anyway, when we pulled up to my house, Caleb was waiting in the driveway. One of his club brothers had seen me walk out of the movie theater with Tyler and had called to tell Caleb. I got out of the car, and Tyler drove off.” My voice trailed off.
“What happened next?”
“Caleb wasn’t happy,” I told her, then gave her a brief account of what had happened. As I spoke, the memories of that night came rushing back.
“Who the fuck was that guy?” I eyed Caleb warily, surprised to find him here. It had been months since I’d seen him last. He looked angry. His jaw was tight, and his fists were clenched at his sides. He took a step closer to me, his gaze roving over me, inspecting every inch of my body. His eyes narrowed on my lips, and he reached out a hand and tipped my chin up to look at me more closely.
“Care to explain why the fuck your lip gloss is all smudged, baby girl?” His voice was a low growl, as if he were trying to control himself and failing. He brushed his thumb over my bottom lip, and I felt a tingle shoot through me. That brief touch affected me more than any of Tyler’s kisses had, and I was suddenly pissed off by that fact.
I grabbed his wrist and tried to pull it away. “Care to explain why you think that’s any of your damned business?”
He acted like I hadn’t even spoken. “Did you let that sonofabitch kiss you, Abby?” His grip on my chin tightened briefly before he slid his hand down to the base of my throat. He stroked his thumb along the side of my neck, and I shivered as goosebumps erupted on my skin.
He leaned in a little closer as he asked, “Did you let him touch you?” He dipped his head and ran his nose along my cheek as he whispered in my ear, “Did you let him fuck you?” He pulled back and stared down at me, his eyes blazing as he brought both of his hands up to cup my face.
“Did you let him have what’s mine?” His tone was angry now, insistent, and I could hear the hurt underneath.
My breath caught when I registered his words. “Yours? What are you talking about?”
He smiled then, but there was no humor behind it. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, baby girl. You’re mine, and you have been since the day I met you. I haven’t claimed you yet, and I can’t ‘til you turn eighteen, but you know it’s the fuckin’ truth. So, I’m gonna ask you one more time. What. Did. He. Do?”
I came back to the present with a start, realizing that I’d gotten lost in old memories. “My dad came outside then. He took one look at how close Caleb was standing to me and told him to stay the hell away from me or he’d throw his ass in jail. So, he left, and I didn’t see him or speak to him until the morning of my eighteenth birthday four months later.”
“What happened that morning?”
I smiled at the memory. “He marched up to our front door and told my dad that he needed to speak to me. Dad wasn’t happy about it, but he couldn’t exactly stop me at that point. We walked to the park a block away from the house. We sat at one of the picnic tables there, and Caleb told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. He told me that he’d loved me since the day we met. We’ve been together ever since.” My voice broke a little, and Kim gently redirected the conversation away from that minefield.
Kim and I talked more about continuing tofind my voice.
“Don’t keep holding your thoughts and feelings inside, Abby. Don’t downplay them. You don’t do it with other people, and youcan’tdo it with your husband. It’s not healthy for you, and it’s not fair to Rome. You can’t hold him solely accountable for the things that upset you, if you don’t tell him how you feel and give him a chance to correct the issue.”
I left with a reminder about our couples’ session the next day, then picked Ethan up at school. He was excited about going trick-or-treating, and we had an early dinner so he could eat before he changed into his costume and walked around the neighborhood with Caleb. I stayed home to pass out candy. Amelia got home from her shift at the hospital a little while later, took one look at the swelling in my feet and ankles, then ordered me to sit my ass down and prop my feet up while she handed out the rest of the candy. I was glad to do it. My back was killing me.
It took a while for Caleb to get Ethan calmed down for bed, and I was dozing on the couch by the time he left.
Tuesday’s couples’ session went much smoother than the first one had, mainly because we didn’t really delve into any new issues. Caleb told us that he’d asked to change his road name, and that the club had agreed to it.
“And if they hadn’t agreed?” Kim asked.
“I told them I would turn in my cut; leave the club.”
I was completely shocked that he’d even considered that.
“Abs, if you still want me to leave the MC, I will. Even with the name change, I know being at the clubhouse will be hard for you. I could barely stand to be there myself on Sunday. So, if quitting the club will help you – helpus– I’ll do it.”
I could see the truth in his eyes. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I knew he’d leave it all behind if I asked him to, but I couldn’t do it.
“The club isn’t the problem, Caleb. It doesn’t help, sometimes,” I chuckled bitterly, “but leaving the MC won’t magically cure our problems.”
“Rome, we can talk about this more in our one-on-one session tomorrow, but you need to keep in mind the need for a strong support system as you begin your journey to recovery. From what you’ve said, those men are like brothers, and they’ll help hold you accountable in your sobriety. Don’t discount that help. We’ve touched on this a little bit, but the decision to stop binge drinking isn’t just an issue of mind over matter. You need help and support along the way. If we can mitigate the triggers that the clubhouse itself causes for both of you, then for what it’s worth, I think your club affiliation is a good thing.”
Caleb looked equal parts relieved and uncertain as he listened to Kim. I didn’t add that he might need their support more than ever if we couldn’t make things work between us.
Everly moved then, and the sudden pressure on my lower abdomen was enough to make me gasp. I clutched my belly as Caleb reached for me.
“Was that a contraction?” I could tell he was on the verge of losing his shit. He’d done the same thing when I was in labor with Ethan.
“No,” I breathed, trying to inhale and exhale slowly. “She’s just dropped so low now that she’s putting a lot of pressure on my pelvis when she moves.”
