Page 53 of Rome
I couldn’t help but cringe at the reminder that everyone at the clubhouse knew what he’d done. It was one thing for his MC brothers to know, but the fact that the club bunnies all knew he’d cheated on me was even more humiliating.
“Kim worked with me to try to pinpoint when the binge drinking started. I think it was when I was seventeen, about six months after we met. I hadn’t been with anyone during that time. I was so hung up on you, and the few times I’d thought about it, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do more than kiss a couple of girls. But one night, the guys on the baseball team all got together for a party. They had a couple of kegs, and somebody brought a bottle of Fireball. I got completely wasted, and there was a girl.”
He didn’t elaborate. He didn’t need to. I could guess what happened. I was surprised that he’d been celibate for six months though. Actually, I was kind of shocked.
“I felt so fuckin’ guilty that I avoided you for the next couple of weeks, then when I bumped into you in the hall one day, I couldn’t even look you in the eye.”
I tried to remember anything like that, but nothing stood out after all this time. Everly chose that moment to deliver a hard kick to my side, and I rubbed the spot gently as Caleb kept talking.
“Then, a few months later, I got drunk at the clubhouse. I wasn’t even supposed to be there, but King was out of town for something, and nobody stopped me. I hooked up with one of the hangarounds. After that, it became a thing. Every few weeks, I’d get drunk and hook up with some chick. Once Jag and I started prospecting, it happened a little more often. But I was always drunk. I had to be, in order to touch them.”
“So, your drinking problem started because of me?” I asked, appalled at the very thought of it.
“Shit, no, baby girl. My drinking problem started because ofme, because I couldn’t find a healthier way of dealing with my frustration. It started because that was the easiest way for me to forget for a while that I couldn’t be with the girl I really wanted. It probably didn’t help that I was exposed to a lifestyle that I was too young to handle responsibly, but at the end of the day, it’s on me, Abs. No one else.”
He started to say something else when we heard Amelia’s Jeep pull into the driveway.
“Sounds like our boy’s home,” Caleb noted, and I heard a little bit of relief in his voice. I was glad to be done with the conversation for a while, too.
Caleb stayed for the rest of the afternoon and evening, leaving after Ethan was in bed. I avoided him as much as possible, spending my time talking with Amelia in the kitchen while they went outside and tossed a football around in the backyard.
Before he left, he asked if he could come over tomorrow after Church. I really needed a break to process everything that had come out over the last couple of days, but I agreed, for Ethan’s sake.
Chapter 15
Rome/Caleb
When I got back to Sinner’s house for the night, I found him puttering around with his bike in his garage. I sat with him for a while, sharing a little bit about Abby’s revelations concerning my road name. I told him what I’d been considering, then went inside to call my dad.
I explained that I needed to come clean with the club about my drinking and asked for the opportunity to address the members as a whole during Church.
“Of course,” King agreed. “I definitely think you need to tell them. The prospects, too, especially since they man the bar.”
I hesitated before I asked my next question, but he took it in stride.
“We’ll probably have to put it to a vote, but I don’t have an issue with it.”
I was relieved as hell that he didn’t have a problem with it. I could only hope the vote would swing my way.
After another restless night, I mounted my bike and headed to Church. I pulled into the parking lot at the clubhouse, dreading the thought of walking through those doors. I swung my leg over the seat of my bike, then reached into the saddlebag for my cut. They were required for Church. I slipped it on just as Jagger pulled in, taking the spot next to me. I regarded him steadily as he dismounted, knowing that we needed to work shit out between us. Although I’d spoken to Molly a few times over the past week, Jag and I hadn’t spoken at all. We’d never let anything fester between us this long. Of course, neither one of us had ever fucked up so badly, either.
“Can we talk, bro?” Jagger and I spoke in unison, something we did from time to time. It was some kind of weird twin telepathy shit, and it usually freaked people out, Abby especially.
That was enough to break the ice, and we both laughed. The grin faded from Jag’s face as he took a good look at me. A look of concern crossed his face.
“Are things with Abby getting any better?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It seems like we take one step forward and then two huge fuckin’ steps back.” I looked out over the parking lot, not really focusing on anything in particular. “There’s just a lot of shit that’s come up in therapy that I didn’t realize was even going on – stuff from before we even got together. It’s just a lot, Jag, and I’m fuckin’ scared to death that I’m gonna lose her.” My voice broke as I admitted my deepest fear.
He stepped around the end of his bike and stopped directly in front of me.
“Listen to me,” he said quietly. “You and Abby are fuckin’ soulmates, brother. Yeah, you fucked up and I can’t even imagine how hurt she is, but I refuse to believe that you two can’t work this out. You and Abs are endgame. I was standing right next to you over six years ago when you promised to love each other “‘til death do us part”, and I know you both meant it.”
“Yeah, and I promised to be faithful, too. Fucked that up, didn’t I? I fucked up the honor and cherish part, too.” I scoffed.
Jagger dropped his head and sighed, then looked at me and pinned me with his stare. “Yeah, you fucked up. So, what are you doing to make it right?”
“Counseling, talking, apologizing, begging. Getting help with my drinking. Whatever it takes, brother.”
