Page 35 of Rome
He flinched when I said the wordfucked, shaking his head before I even finished speaking.
“I didn’t fuck her, I swear, Abby. It didn’t go that far.”
“Who was it?” I asked again, ignoring his statement for the moment. I wasn’t altogether certain it mattered.
He looked at me warily, as if he couldn’t understand why I was acting so calmly. Apparently, my husband wasn’t familiar with the saying “the calm before the storm”.
“It was Cynnamon, the stripper that Pic’s been hooking up with.”
Of fucking course it was. I think I’d probably known as soon as he’d sworn that he had thought it was me. Cynnamon the stripper – the skinnier, prettier version of me, according to the club bunnies I’d overheard anyway. I still hadn’t seen her for myself.
“Ah, Cynnamon with a y. They call her Cyn, you know. Appropriate nickname, don’t you think, given what you did with her?”
He closed his eyes, and his lower lip trembled before he clenched his jaw.
“After all, infidelity is a sin. It’s one of the big ones, too.Thou shalt not commit adultery, I think it goes. I know that neither of us have ever sat through a church sermon in our lives, but surely, you’ve heard of that one, Caleb.” My voice was cold as I mocked him, but that was to be expected given the ice in my veins, I supposed. I idly wondered if my frozen blood would prevent me from bleeding out from the gaping hole he had torn in my chest.
Another tear slipped down his cheek, and I tracked it dispassionately.
“So,Cynhelped you up the stairs…” I prompted.
Caleb unclenched one fist long enough to swipe at his tears. He looked down again, his voice barely audible as he spoke.
“It was kind of dark in the hallway – you know how it is up there – and I stumbled on the top step, then we bumped into the wall. I looked down and saw long dark hair, like yours. I swear to God, baby girl, I was so drunk that I thought it was you. I’d texted you earlier, saying that I wished you could come to the clubhouse. Do you remember?”
He looked up again, and I nodded. I also remembered texting him back this morning, telling him I’d hoped he’d hadfunlast night. The very thought made me sick.
Caleb started to say something else, and then stopped, looking up at me with uncertainty. “Abby, I’m not sure how much of this you want to hear.”
I scoffed. “Oh, I don’twantto hear any of it. Not one goddamned word of it. But I need to knowexactlyhow you betrayed me. I need to hearexactlyhow you broke our marriage vows.”
He tipped his head back, blinking rapidly, and I knew he was trying to fight back more tears.
“Who instigated it?” I asked.
He hesitated before answering, “I did. I kissed her, in the hallway outside the room.”
I’d thought I was too numb to feel any more pain. I was wrong.
“She kissed my neck. That’s when I got the mark.” He rubbed his left hand over the hickey, and I caught the glint of his wedding band. Everly chose that moment to kick, which seemed fitting somehow. Caleb’s gaze followed the movement of my own hand as I rubbed my belly, trying to soothe her. The sorrow on his face was almost unbearable to see. He looked away again, staring at the floor.
“I didn’t fuck her, baby girl. I swear to you I didn’t.”
I nodded, not saying anything. My throat was so tight I wasn’t sure I was even capable of speech right then.
“She touched me.” A sob escaped my throat, the sound as raw as it felt. His entire body flinched at the sound, and his shoulders slumped. He raised his hands and rubbed his eyes, then ran his fingers through his hair.
“I unbuckled my belt and she got on her knees.” He stopped again, breathing heavily, still staring at the floor.
“She – “
“Look at me.” I demanded. He shook his head, and he clenched his fists so tightly that I saw his knuckles turning white.
“Look at me, goddammit!At least have the balls to look at me when you break my fucking heart.”
He flinched again, but his head snapped up and his tear-filled eyes met mine. My vision blurred, my own tears welling up and spilling over.
“She gave me a blowjob, but I thought it was you.” I refused to look away, committing every look, every tear, every wince to memory. It was a memory I knew I would replay in my darkest moments for the rest of my life.
