Page 90 of Rome
I exhaled sharply, trying to breathe through the pain, and Abby spoke again.
“I didn’t have sex with Grant. We did…things, but it never got that far,” she confessed quietly, and I could hear the shame in her voice.
The relief I felt at hearing that was overwhelming, but it didn’t stop me from questioning her further.
“So, I’m the only man who has ever been inside you?” My voice sounded like I’d been chewing on sandpaper, and I swallowed hard to try to ease the constriction.
She nodded, hiding her face against my chest. I gripped the back of her neck and grasped her hair, gently tugging to raise her face so I could look into her eyes.
“Thank you, baby girl. You have no fucking idea how happy I am to hear that. I’ve been driving myself insane with visions of you with him.” I slid my hand around to cup the side of her neck, rubbing my thumb along her jawline as I debated asking my next question.
“I know I have no right to ask for details. You were single. You didn’t do anything wrong, but I need to know, Abs.”
“Caleb,” she started to protest, but I put my index finger over her lips to stop her.
“When you pressed me for details about the night I cheated, I couldn’t understand why you wanted to torture yourself like that, but I understand now. You needed to know for sure because you were imagining the worst, right?”
She nodded tearfully, and I drove my point home.
“That’s what I’ve been doing for over a week now, Abs. I’ve had images of you and him burned into my fucking brain. Now that I know you didn’t let him fuck you, I can breathe a little easier, but I know that I’ll still drive myself crazy wondering. Yesterday, when you were nursing Ev, I kept imagining him touching you, touching, and licking, and sucking on the tits that have fed and nourishedmy kids, and I wanted to kill him.”
She gave a pained sob and tried to pull away again, but I didn’t let her.
“I’m not blaming you, Abby, and I won’t hold it against you. I just feel like I need to know, so I can put it to rest.”
Her voice was so low that I had to strain to hear her, even holding her as close to me as I was.
“We never had sex,” she reiterated. “We kissed, and touched, but I didn’t let him near my boobs because I was afraid of leaking everywhere. I…” her voice trailed off, and I ran my hand over her silky hair to soothe her.
“You what, Abs?” I prompted through gritted teeth, willing myself not to lose control no matter what she told me.
“I…gave him a blowjob once, but when he tried to touch me, I was too caught up in my head, and I couldn’t relax enough to really enjoy it.”
I didn’t realize how much it would hurt to hear that until the very moment her words registered. I inhaled deeply, before slowly exhaling as I tried to find the words to be honest about what I was feeling.
“Say something…please.”
I tried to swallow around the tightness in my throat as I answered her. “I’m trying, Abs. I…fuck, this hurts.” I took another deep breath, and she started to cry.
“Oh, baby girl, please don’t cry. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me, but I’m just being honest here. Please believe that I don’t blame you for what you did. I’m not angry with you. I’m just…it hurts to think about the details, even though I needed to know.”
I took another slow, deep breath and made a conscious effort to unclench my fists and my jaw as another thought occurred to me.
“He stopped though, right? He didn’t try to make you do anything you didn’t want to do?” I clarified. He was a dead man if she didn’t give me the answer I needed to hear.
“Yes, he stopped.” She hesitated for a second before telling me, “He’s a good man, Caleb. I’m not saying that to hurt you, but I need you to understand that this isn’t on him. He didn’t pressure me. It was my choice – a stupid choice that I regret – but it was still my choice. I feel guilty for using him, and I feel guilty for betraying you.”
I gripped her face with both hands as I looked deep into her eyes again. I needed to make sure she listened, and that she truly heard and understood what I had to say next.
“You didn’t betray me. I’m the only one guilty of that. Yeah, I won’t lie, I wish like hell you’d never touched another man, but you didn’t betray me. We were divorced, and you had the right to try to move on. I don’t want you feeling guilty for trying to find happiness, baby girl.”
I kissed her then, needing to feel close to her in a way I hadn’t been in way too fucking long. I needed to erase the memory of any other man touching her or kissing her, as my tongue hungrily tangled with hers. My cock hardened within seconds, throbbing inside my jeans as I groaned and reluctantly pulled away.
Abby’s lips glistened from my kisses, and her cheeks were covered in a flush of pink, which I knew from experience would extend down her chest, and over the tops of her lush tits. I knew without a doubt that her nipples were pebbled, even though I couldn’t see them through the padded cups of her nursing bra.
“This is our new beginning, Abby. Nobody but us from here on out.”
She nodded, and I pressed one last kiss to her lips before I stood up to leave.
