Page 83 of Rome
When I had no tears left, I tried to picture happier times, and a lifetime of memories with Abby replaced the thoughts of her with Grant. I tried to focus on Abby’s face on the day I officially claimed her, her tears as she fearfully told me she was pregnant with Ethan, and then her laughter as I picked her up and swung her around, yelling that I was going to be a daddy.
I remembered all those mornings we’d tried to fit in a quickie before E woke up to cockblock us, and how beautiful Abby had looked walking down the aisle toward me on her dad’s arm. I remembered how we’d both cried as Ethan came into the world, and then again when Everly was born. I remembered the burned dinners as we both figured out how to cook more than a couple of quick meals, and the silly arguments about my dirty clothes on the floor that usually ended with me kissing her until she forgot she was irritated with me.
The memories helped put everything into perspective for me, and as I got the kids up for breakfast, I’d made up my mind. I was going to lay it all out for Abby this afternoon and beg for another chance. Even if she shot me down, I had to fucking try.
I walked into the clubhouse for Church an hour later, for once not thinking about the night I’d fucked everything up the second I walked through the doors. Molly met us in the common room. She’d offered yesterday to watch the kids, so I didn’t have to skip Church, and I’d gladly taken her up on it. She took the kids up to Jagger’s room, where she planned to hang out with them until I was done.
Church didn’t take long. There was no new business to report, no news on Pic, and nothing of real interest to discuss. King dismissed us an hour later with his usual command to stay safe and keep our asses out of trouble.
“Are you and the kids going to hang around to have lunch with the family?” King asked, and I nodded. I didn’t have anything better to do until Abby got home later. She was supposed to be home around three, so I’d planned to take the kids home at four.
Jag went upstairs to let Molly know we were finished and came down a few minutes later with Everly snuggled against his chest. Molly came down hand-in-hand with Ethan, who was clearly on cloud-fucking-nine about spending time with his new aunt outside of the classroom.
I reached for Everly, but Jagger put his arm on her back protectively and turned away.
“Nope, I’ve got her. Ev is just fine with Uncle Jag, aren’t you, sweet pea?” I smothered a grin at the sight of my twin baby-talking to my little girl. Everly stared at him with wide eyes as she grinned. I knew she probably thought it was me. I had been holding her yesterday when Jagger walked up beside me. She had stared at him, then turned her head to look up at me. She had looked so confused. We’d both laughed – probably the only time I had actually laughed yesterday.
Ethan had been the same way when he was a baby. By the time he was about eighteen months old, he would freak out if Jagger and I were together. He’d figured out how to tell us apart about a year later.
We had just placed our order for the Mexican restaurant down the street when I got a text from Abby, letting me know she was home early. I jumped up from the table with a grin.
“Jag, I need to go. Can you and Molly keep the kids for a few hours?”
He looked confused for a second, then shrugged. “Sure. Just take my car and leave me your keys for the Tahoe so we don’t have to switch over the car seat and booster seat.”
“Thanks, bro. There are a couple of baggies of Abby’s milk in the freezer for Ev,” I told him, ignoring his grimace. “Bring the kids home around four, unless you hear from me, OK? No, wait. Make it five.” If I had my way, Abby and I would have a lot to discuss.
He nodded, a slow grin taking over his face as he eyed my eager expression. He fished his keys out of his pocket, then tossed them to me. I laid mine on the table in front of him, then bent down to kiss the top of Everly’s head. I gave Ethan a quick hug and explained that Uncle Jagger was going to drive him home later. He didn’t ask any questions. He was too busy trying to play pool with Lincoln and Lucky, who was helping E balance on a barstool they’d pulled up, so he was tall enough to reach the table.
“Hey, where are you running off to?” Sinner called as I jogged to the door. I turned around and smiled. “I’m taking your advice, old man. Wish me luck.”
I tried to rehearse what I wanted to say on the way there, but it was impossible. I was just going to have to lay my cards on the table and hope to hell that Abby felt the same way, and that I hadn’t already lost her to Grant-Motherfucker-Mowery.
I’d barely knocked on the door when Abby pulled it open. I stepped inside, and she looked around me in confusion as I closed the door behind me.
“Where are the kids?”
“They’re with Jag and Molly for a while. He’ll bring them home later. I wanted to talk to you, without them around.”
She looked nervous as she turned around and took a seat on the couch. I followed, slipping off my cut and draping it over the arm of the couch before sitting down beside her. I took her hands and held them in mine as I looked at her closely. She looked tired and had dark circles under her eyes. I tried not to think about the reasons why she hadn’t gotten any sleep last night. I took a deep breath, and poured my heart out, hoping like hell she didn’t hand it back to me, torn into shreds.
“Look, baby girl. I’ve tried to stand aside. I’ve tried to let you start over with someone else if it meant you were happy, even though it was fuckin’ killing me.” Her gaze flew to meet mine as I started talking, her eyes widening as she took in what I was saying.
“I know I hurt you. I know it’s hard for you to forgive me, or trust me again, but I’ve changed, Abby. I’ve worked with Kim to get to the root of my issues, and to develop tools to help me cope with stress and frustration.I wanted to make sure I was the man you and the kids deserved, not the man who crawled into a bottle when things got too hard to deal with. We’ve come up with a plan to manage my AUD, and I haven’t had a drink in almost six months. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since the night I destroyed us.”
“Caleb, I –“
I squeezed her hands in mine. “Please, Abs, let me get this out, OK?”
She closed her eyes as she nodded, and when she opened them again, I could see the glossy sheen of tears in her beautiful green eyes.
“I know six months of sobriety isn’t proof that I’ve stopped drinking for good, but I need you to consider this. I didn’t drink the night you kicked me out, or the day you had me served with papers. I didn’t drink the night you were with that goddamned bartender, or last night, when all I could think about was the shit you were doing with Grant in that fucking hotel room. If I didn’t drink any of those times, then there’s no way in hell anything could cause me to drink again.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” I could tell by her voice that she was trying to choke back tears.
“Because I don’t think you’re happy. If you were, I wouldn’t try to stop you from seeing Grant, but you aren’t, because you belong with me. I know that I will always be yours, and I think in your heart, you will always be mine, too. You will never be able to love anyone the way you love me, and no one will ever love you more than I do. You deserve an epic love, baby girl, and that’s what I can give you. That’s what we had, before I fucked it all up, and we can have it again.”
She pulled her hands from mine and covered her face, her shoulders shaking as she cried.
