Page 64 of Rome
My heart ached at the endearment. I’d missed it so much, almost as much as I’d missed him. I questioned myself every morning when I woke up without him. I questioned myself everyday when Ethan asked what time his daddy was coming over. I questioned myself every time I looked into Everly’s eyes and thought about how much Caleb was missing out on. I questioned myself every night, when I went to bed, missing him so much that I clutched his hoodie to my chest and cried myself to sleep.
Amelia had stayed with us for almost three weeks after Caleb moved out, before I convinced her that I’d be OK with the kids on my own. Caleb had spent Thanksgiving with his family, and the kids and I had been with mine. Ethan’s sixth birthday was a week later, and Caleb and I had come together to plan his party. He’d stayed overnight Christmas Eve with us, too, sleeping on the bed in the den that Lia had used, so he could be there when the kids woke up Christmas morning. It was hard on both of us, but we made it.
Then Jagger and Molly had gotten married the following week, on New Year’s Eve. That had almost broken both of us. Caleb had been Jag’s best man, while Molly’s best friend Brad had been her man of honor. Caleb had spent most of the ceremony staring at me from his spot at Jagger’s side, and I’d spent most of the ceremony staring back at him. The only bright spot had been the sight of Ethan as the ring bearer, a role he’d taken very seriously. I’d slipped out as soon as the ceremony ended, leaving Ethan there for Caleb to bring home after the reception.
Caleb and I had attended the four-hour parenting class that the state required before a divorce involving child custody could be signed off on by the judge. My attorney had said that our divorce should be finalized by the end of the month, which was next week. I hoped that once it was final, I would stop second-guessing myself and could start to heal.
I pulled into the parking lot of the gym, which was crowded on a Saturday morning. Caleb had picked up both kids after breakfast and was spending the day with them at his new place. I had helped Ethan pack a few toys and books that he could keep at his dad’s house, which had made me blink away tears before Ethan realized I was upset. He’d helped me pack some things for Everly, too.
I found an empty spot near the corner of the building, and grabbed my gym bag and water bottle as I exited my car.
“Hey Abby.”
I turned at the sound of my name being called and saw Grant approaching on the way to his car. We’d met right before Christmas when he’d shown me how to set the resistance on the elliptical machine. He’d asked me out, but I had explained that I was going through a divorce and wasn’t ready to date yet. He hadn’t asked again, but he’d been very friendly every time we’d run into each other.
In truth, I’d been stunned when he asked me. I’d been hit on over the years and had always just held up the hand with my wedding band, smiled and said, “I’m happily married.” I’d held up my hand with Grant, too, out of habit. When I’d realized what I’d done, and when I caught sight of my bare ring finger, I got upset and he’d noticed. He’d been sweet about the whole thing, and I appreciated having a friendly face at the gym.
“Hi,” I said, taking in his freshly showered appearance. “Good workout?”
He flashed his wide smile, which I had to admit, made him look even more handsome. “Yes, racquetball. Jerome kicked my ass today.” Jerome, I’d learned a couple of weeks ago, was one of his colleagues at a pharmaceutical company. They were both on the same clinical research team.
He paused and shifted his gym bag higher on his shoulder. “Do you want to grab something from the juice bar?” He gestured over his shoulder toward the gym, which housed its own juice and smoothie bar. I’d never tried it, since most of the offerings seemed to include things like kale, flax, chia seeds, and soy milk. I preferred my smoothies to have strawberries, and a few squirts of chocolate syrup. OK, maybe I preferred my smoothies to actually be milkshakes. That was why I’d joined a damned gym to start with.
I tried not to let my distaste show. After all, they were good for you, if Grant’s body was anything to judge by. He was toned and muscled in all the right places. It was too bad he didn’t make my pulse – or anything else – flutter.
“Uh, no, I need to get my workout in, and then I have a ton of errands to run today. Thanks for the offer though.”
He brushed off his disappointment and gave me another smile. “Maybe next time, then.”
“Sure”, I nodded mindlessly. “I’d better get in there before all the machines are taken. Take care, and I’ll see you around.”
“I’m counting on it,” he assured me with a wink, and I tried not to panic at the idea of flirting with him.
I hurried through my routine, then quickly showered off and changed into the fresh clothes I’d brought. I hadn’t lied about the errands, and I spent the next few hours at the grocery, buying a present for my parents’ wedding anniversary, and stopping at the hardware store for a valve replacement kit to fix the toilet in my bathroom that had started to run continually. I’d watched a video on how to do it, and it looked simple enough.
I ran into Jagger in the checkout line, and when he spotted what I was buying, he insisted on following me home to make the repair for me. I tried to tell him it wasn’t necessary, but he didn’t listen any better than his twin brother did.
It didn’t take him long at all, and he handed me the wrench and screwdriver to put back in the toolbox as he put the toilet tank lid back into place. I stepped aside so he could wash his hands, and he eyed me in the mirror as he reached for the hand towel to dry them.
“OK, Abs, out with it. Why the hell are you avoiding me?”
I didn’t expect to be called out on it, and I didn’t have a good answer ready.
“I’m not avoiding you, Jag, I’ve just been busy.”
“Don’t bullshit me. I’ve seen you exactly two times since you and Rome split. Once was at Sinner’s house when you stopped by without realizing I was there, and the other was at my wedding. I’m pretty sure if Ethan hadn’t been our ring bearer, you would have tried to skip that, too. So, what the hell’s going on?”
“I…” That’s as far as I got before I broke down. Jagger tossed the hand towel back onto the counter and pulled me in for a hug. The smell of his leather cut filled my senses and reminded me of Caleb. Everything about Jagger reminded me of Caleb. That was the problem.
I pulled out of his arms and reached for a tissue to wipe my eyes.
“Talk to me, Abs,” he urged quietly. I took a deep breath and focused my gaze somewhere over his left shoulder.
“I had to ask Caleb to move out because it hurts to look at him, and it hurts to look at you, because you look so damned much like him,” I confessed.
“Fuck,” he muttered, then heaved a defeated sigh.
“Yep, that pretty much sums it up.Fuck.”
