Page 48 of Rome
Chapter 13
Rome/Caleb
I watched Abby stride from the room, feeling stunned, helpless, and so fucking guilty that I wasn’t sure I could ever look my wife in the eye again.
I sank back down onto the couch because I wasn’t quite sure my legs would hold me upright. I was shaking, and my gut was churning even worse than it had when I’d discovered that woman in my bed Sunday morning.
“Rome, are you OK?”
I didn’t answer her for a minute, then whispered one word.
“No.”
My mind flew in a dozen different directions, trying to process everything. I didn’t know what the hell had just happened, but I knew without a shadow of a fucking doubt that I was not OK. Even worse, I wasn’t sure I ever would be again.
“I thought we just had to deal with my drinking, and with what happened Saturday night, which was gonna be hard enough, but now…” I dragged in a deep breath before exhaling harshly. “Now we have all this other shit to wade through, and I’m fuckin’ scared to death that there’s gonna be more.”
“I’m afraid you may be right, Rome. Abby’s anger, at least about your road name, has clearly been simmering for years. We may very well find that she’s been holding on to other hurts, other painful memories that will need to be addressed before you both can move forward.”
“It wasn’t true, what they said about the road name. Yeah, I was with other women before Abby turned eighteen. I’m not proud of it, and it didn’t happen as often as they said, but…” I trailed off, not even wanting to think about that time in my life, let alone talk about it.
“I want you to know that the Abby you just saw…that’s not my wife. I’ve never seen her act so cold and hateful as she did just now, even on Sunday when we had that fuckin’ God-awful blowout. I’m not blaming her, because I know I deserve every word she just said for the way I’ve treated her. I’m just…stunned, I guess.”
“Tell me about Sunday.”
So, I did. I told her the entire conversation, pretty much word for word. I had no trouble remembering, because every single word was imprinted on my damned brain, and probably would be for the rest of my life.
“I’m just so frustrated with myself because I can’t find the right words to convince Abby that I love her, and I’m sorry, and that she can trust me again.”
“It’s not just a matter of being able to articulate your feelings. Words alone aren’t enough. You have to give your words validity through your actions as well. You have to put in the work.”
“Do you think I should even try to get Abby to come back for more sessions now, or just wait until after the baby is born?”
Kim took a moment to consider her answer. “I think ultimately, it’s up to Abby whether or not she returns for more sessions now. I hope that she does, but we will need to give serious consideration to the topics we discuss. Would you be available to meet me tomorrow, for an individual session? I’d like to get a better understanding of your issues with alcohol. Depending on how emotional Abby is on that topic, that may be a better direction for us to go at this time.”
I left her office a few minutes later with an appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning, and then Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for the next month. She’d told me that we would reassess at that point, and schedule accordingly from there. I’d also set up couples’ sessions for Tuesday and Thursday next week, in the hope that I could convince Abby to come back.
I stopped in the lobby to send a text to Amelia, trying to make sure that Abby had made it home OK. She texted back a simple “yes” as I pushed open the door to step out into the chill of the fall air.
As I walked out of the office building, I fingered the leather of my cut. I’d wanted a cut of my own since I was about Ethan’s age, and it was one of my most prized possessions. I always treated it with care – I ignored the little voice in the back of my head that reminded me that I’d been so shit-faced Saturday night that I’d dropped it on the floor with the rest of my clothes when I’d stripped.
At this moment, though, I couldn’t stand wearing it. I felt like it was fucking crushing me with the weight of all the bad decisions I’d made over the years. I slipped it off, folded it carefully, and placed it in one of my saddlebags. As I rode through the city streets toward the shop, I felt almost naked without it, but I still couldn’t bring myself to put it back on.
Luckily, we were so busy at the shop again that I didn’t have much time to dwell on the shitshow of our first counseling session. I stayed until six-thirty, eating half of one of the sub sandwiches that Dax had ordered from the deli down the road before I left to head home.
Last night, Abby and I had discussed me coming over to put Ethan to bed again tonight. I hadn’t received a call or text telling me not to show up, so I arrived at seven as we’d originally planned.
I opened the door and stepped inside before quietly closing it behind me. Ethan was sprawled on the floor in the living room, playing with his Matchbox cars and the little racetrack he’d gotten last Christmas. I glanced around but didn’t see Abby or Amelia. Ethan jumped up and ran over to me as soon as he caught sight of me standing there.
“Daddy!”
I scooped him up and gave him a big hug before I set him back on his feet. “Hey buddy. Where’s Mommy?”
“She’s upstairs sleepin’. Aunt Lia said the baby is makin’ her real tired.”
“Rome.” I looked up at the sound of Amelia’s voice, to find her coming down the stairs with a full laundry basket balanced on her hip. She sounded pissed, and if looks could kill, I would have been dead where I stood.
“E, you’d better get upstairs and get your shower. I’ll be up in just a bit to read to you, OK?” He grumbled a little, but headed for the stairs when I gave him a pointed look.
