Page 43 of Rome
“You already made an appointment?” The surprise in her voice was clear.
“Yeah, for Thursday morning. Nine o’clock. Will you do it?”
She nodded, then looked away. “It hurts, Caleb. Thinking of you, with her, it hurts so fucking bad. But I know it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been drinking, and that hurts even more. You promised me. You promised…” Her voice caught in her throat, and I saw her lips tremble as she tried to remain composed.
I dropped to my knees next to the couch, remembering when I’d done the same thing on Sunday. I covered her hands with mine, squeezing gently when she tried to pull away.
“Give me your pain, every last fucking bit of it. I fucked up. I caused your pain, so let me carry it for you, until we can find a way to make it go away.”
She broke down, head bent, shoulders shaking as she cried, and I couldn’t take it. I jumped up to sit next to her on the couch, pulling her into my arms. She tried to push me away, and I just held on tighter.
“Please let me hold you. I can’t fuckin’ stand to see you like this. I know you hate me right now, and I don’t blame you, but I love you enough for both of us. Please, Abs, I’m beggin’ you, let me love you through this.”
I wasn’t even sure what I was saying, I was just desperate to make it better. I felt the fight leave her as she sagged against me, sobbing into my chest. I rested my chin against the top of her head and held her tight, feeling the shudders running through her body, and the warmth of her tears as they soaked my T-shirt.
My heart broke listening to her, and I wasn’t sure how much more it could break before the damned thing stopped beating altogether. Tears welled up and I blinked them away. After several long minutes, Abby’s crying slowed, and she tried to pull away. I let her go this time, knowing I’d pushed my luck as far as I could for today.
There was a box of tissues on the end table, a box that wasn’t normally there. My gut twisted again as I realized it was there because my wife had spent the last two damned days crying because of me. I handed her some tissues, and she wiped her face before blowing her nose.
She struggled to her feet, brushing me off again when I tried to help her.
“I need to go splash water on my face before Ethan gets home,” she murmured as she headed down the hall to the half bath.
I grabbed a tissue and wiped my own eyes, then went into the kitchen to get more water for us both. I sat back down on the couch and waited for Abby.
When she came back, she sat down at the end of the couch again, burrowing into the corner in an attempt to put as much distance between us as possible. I sighed as I handed her the water, then scooted toward the other end to give her some room.
“I won’t deal with your drinking, Caleb. You need help, and I clearly can’t count on your promise to just not drink anymore.” I flinched. Damn, the truth fucking hurts.
“I know. I can’t imagine ever being able to take another drink without seeing the look on your face on Sunday, but I’m gonna get help. The marriage counselor we’re seeing deals with addictions too, so if she can’t help me, she said she can refer me to someone who can.”
I could tell by the look on her face that she was shocked I’d talked to someone about this already.
“I’m committed to making this work. You are the love of my life, and I know that before I fucked everything up at least, you felt the same way. I’m hoping like hell you still do.”
She nodded, and I’ve never been so damned grateful for such a simple gesture.
“Can I stay to put Ethan to bed again tonight?
“Yes, I want to keep things as normal for him as possible. He doesn’t realize anything is wrong, and I want to keep it that way.”
“Absolutely,” I agreed. “Has he asked why Amelia is staying here?”
She shook her head. “She told him her furnace was broken, and it was getting a little chilly for her to stay at her apartment at night.”
I heard the sound of a car in the driveway and knew that meant Ethan and Amelia were back. Abby stiffened, and ran her hand over her face, then smoothed her hair.
“You look fine, Abs,” I assured her. The tip of her nose was red, and her eyelids were still a little puffy, but I doubted Ethan would be observant enough to notice.
I spent the next hour watching TV with E, while Abby and Amelia talked quietly in the kitchen. I kept to our normal bedtime routine, herding him into the shower and then reading a book before I tucked him in for the night.
I came back downstairs to find Amelia sitting alone in the living room, scrolling through her phone.
“She went up to bed. I think she just needed some time alone,” she told me, then pinned me with a look that told me she was still a long way from forgiving me herself.
“She told me about the counseling. Don’t fuck it up.”
I couldn’t help the ghost of a smile that turned up the corners of my mouth. She was so damned much like her sister sometimes, it was scary.
