Page 39 of Rome
“I wondered if you’d show up here,” Sinner said, holding the storm door open for me.
“Abby wanted me gone, and I just couldn’t face going back to the clubhouse.” I admitted as I stepped inside. He motioned for me to have a seat, and I flopped down in one of the two recliners he had.
“You want some iced tea?” he called over his shoulder as he made his way into the kitchen. I said yes, and he came back a couple of minutes later holding two glasses, with a package of cookies tucked under one arm.
He handed me a glass, then set the cookies on the end table between us as he took a seat in the other recliner. He motioned to the package, and I reached over to take two. My stomach had been tied in knots all day, and I was almost sick with nerves, so I hadn’t had a bite to eat. I wasn’t hungry in the least, but knew I needed to get something in my system.
“Did King tell you everything?”
Sinner nodded, taking a bite of a cookie and glancing at the television. He had been watching the local news and had obviously muted the sound when he heard me pull up. He reached over to grab the remote control from the coffee table and clicked it off. I was reminded of Abby throwing our remote at the wall. She had never lost control like that in her life, and I hated myself all over again for driving her to it.
“How’s Abby?”
I tipped my head back against the cushioned headrest on the recliner and ran a hand over my face. “She’s a mess. She got hysterical, screaming for me to get out. I couldn’t get her calmed down, so I had to call her sister to see to her.”
I told him everything, how I’d sat in the garage on my bike for several minutes before I’d been able to force myself to go inside. How she’d seen the hickey before I’d been able to ease into the explanation that I’d rehearsed on the ride home. How I’d watched her shatter when she realized that I’d betrayed her.
“God, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that look.” My voice broke, and I felt tears pricking the backs of my eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“You won’t forget, kid, and quite frankly, you fuckin’ shouldn’t. The day you forget the pain you caused your woman is the day you start fuckin’ things up again. If she can forgive you – and I’ll warn you now, that’s a huge fuckin’if– then you need to spend every single day for the rest of your life making sure you’re worthy of that kind of forgiveness.”
He stared at the dark TV screen, lost in the past for a minute. I knew he was remembering my Grandma Frankie.
“I love her, Pop.” He wasn’t Sinner, my MC’s founder in this moment. He was the grandfather who’d helped King raise Jag and me after Christy had bailed on us. “I’ve loved her since I was sixteen years old, and that has never changed, even once, in all those years. I would give anything if I could take it back, and I fuckin’ hate myself for hurting her.”
“It’s been over forty-five years since I broke your grandma’s heart, and I’ve hated myself at least a little bit every single damned day of every one of those forty-five years. But you need to understand that you’ll have to be able to forgive yourself if you expect her to be able to forgive you.”
I snorted in disbelief and wiped away a tear. “How the fuck do I do that? I came this close,” I said, putting my fingers together to demonstrate, “to fucking another woman last night. If I hadn’t passed out first, I would have. I didn’t have a condom either. Abby and I haven’t used them since before Ethan. I would have fucked that woman bare, coulda knocked her up, or caught God knows what from her. As it is, I need to go get checked out, since some of that shit can be transmitted through a blow job. That bitch is a stripper, and she’s been fuckin’ Pic on the regular. Who the hell knows who else she’s been with.”
I sighed and shook my head. “It didn’t occur to Abby to ask about that, she was so upset. I’ll bet it will, though, once she calms down. And when she does, I’m gonna have to admit to my wife that I would have busted my nut inside that cunt, when I’ve only ever done that with Abby.”
He handed me another cookie, but I waved it away. I hadn’t even eaten the two I had. I looked at them with distaste as a wave of nausea rolled through me.
“You mind if I crash here tonight?”
“Nah. I’ve even got a new toothbrush you can have, since I’m guessing you didn’t take time to grab your shit. One of those cheap things the dentist gives me, but it’ll do the job.”
My phone chimed in my pocket, and I shifted in the recliner so I could reach it. I pulled it out and saw that I’d missed a text from Brick from an hour ago, giving me the contact info for a marriage counselor. He’d gotten her name for me from his sister-in-law. I made a mental note to call the woman first thing in the morning. I clicked off of it and opened the text that had just come in from Amelia.
AMELIA: She’s finally calmed down a little. Her heart rate and BP were really high when I got here, but not quite in the danger zone. I just took it again, and her BP is still higher than I’d like, but as upset as she was, it’s better than I thought it would be. I’m going to have her call her OB in the morning, just to be safe.
ME: Thank you. I’ve been worried sick. I’m at Sinner’s house. I’ll probably stay here tonight, but I’ll be home in the morning so she and I can talk.”
My relief was short-lived though. It was suddenly impossible to breathe as I read the texts that popped up, one right after another, a moment later.
AMELIA: That’s not a good idea. She doesn’t want to talk to you, and I don’t think that’s going to change by morning.
AMELIA: She asked me to pack some of your things. She wants you to pick them up from the front porch before Ethan gets home at noon.
My first instinct was to call Lia, but I didn’t want to chance Abby overhearing. I settled for another text.
ME: FUCK NO! I’ll give her some time if she wants, but there’s no way in hell I’m moving out. We can work this out. I’m getting the name of a marriage counselor for us to see. I just need Abs to talk to me.
I watched as the bubble popped up with three little dots, indicating that Lia was typing. I almost threw my damned phone across the room in frustration when the dots disappeared, but they reappeared a few seconds later. I waited impatiently for the text to come through.
AMELIA: Calm your ass down. She asked me to pack SOME of your things, not ALL of them. You need to understand one thing right now though. You aren’t calling the shots here, asshole. Abby gets to decide what’s best for herself. Right now, you aren’t it, so back the fuck off and give her some space to think.
I took a deep breath and tried to get a handle on myself. I set the phone down on my lap, only to snatch it up a second later as another text notification chimed.
