Page 100 of Rome
My breath caught at his unexpected question. I tried to put some distance between us, wanting to cover myself with the sheet to shield my body from his view.
“Don’t you dare, baby girl,” he growled, ripping the sheet from my hands. He loomed over me, holding himself up on one arm as he slipped his other hand over neck to cup my face. He stared into my eyes, and I couldn’t bring myself to look away.
“I love every inch of your body. Every. Single. Fucking. Inch. Do you hear me? If you want to lose weight foryou, then I won’t stop you, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be fuckin’ happy about it. If you’re trying to lose weight because the fucked-up shit I did made you feel bad about yourself, or self-conscious or whatever, then we’re gonna have a problem.”
“Caleb, you know that I could stand to lose a few pounds. More than a few, actually. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“First of all, I don’t think you need to lose weight. I never have, and I never fuckin’ will. Secondly, right now, you needextracalories to nurse our little girl. This isn’t the time for a goddamned diet. And last but not fuckin’ least, I’m gonna remind you that the baby pooch that you’ve always hated is because I planted my baby in your belly six years ago, and the sight of it turns me the fuck on every goddamned time I see it.”
He palmed his hand over my stomach as he shifted, then began kissing his way down my body.
“Caleb, I – “
“Hush, baby girl. I’ve been starving for you, and now I’m gonna eat my fill.”
His mouth devoured me, and I came two more times before he flipped me over and pulled my hips up, palming my ass in his huge hands as he fucked me from behind.
He fucked me into the mattress like a man possessed, his balls slapping against me with every thrust as he grunted and groaned.
I felt his thumb swiping along my pussy lips, and I knew he was gathering my juices to glide over my back hole. His thumb circled that tight little pucker. I heard him spit and felt it running down over my hole before he circled his thumb again and pressed against me until he breached the tight ring of muscle.
“I’m gonna fuck this sweet ass of yours before we sleep tonight, baby girl, and maybe then you’ll understand how much I love it,” he panted. He plunged his thumb in as far as it would go as he snapped his hips one last time, sending us both into an orgasm so powerful that it left us both screaming with pleasure.
Unfortunately, the promised ass-fucking didn’t happen because in the middle of the next round, Caleb pulled me on top of him and told me to ride him, something he’d probably done hundreds of times with me over the years. I loved that position as much as he did. This time though, it triggered the memory of that awful Sunday afternoon, when he’d confessed that he’d done and said the same thing toher, right before he passed out.
As his words registered, I froze, feeling bile rising up so quickly I was afraid I was going to get sick all over the bed. Caleb stared up at me in confusion, which turned to concern – and then horrified realization – as I scrambled off him.
“Oh shit, Abs, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – “
“Just stop,” I begged, before running into the bathroom and slamming the door behind me. I wrapped myself in a towel as Caleb burst in, wasting no time as he pulled me against him. I couldn’t stop shaking and he rocked me in his arms without saying a word.
Once I’d calmed down, I took a deep breath and looked up at him. He was staring down at me, with worry, guilt, and self-hatred etched in every line of his face.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, baby girl,” he whispered.
“I know,” I whispered back.
“We need to talk about this.”
“I know, but not in there. It’s bad enough that I have to think aboutherwhile we’re in our bed. There’s no fucking way I want to talk about her there, too.”
He sighed deeply, then sadly nodded in agreement.
“Let’s get dressed and go downstairs.”
So, that’s how we found ourselves sitting in our darkened living room a little after midnight, trying to discuss our new sexual boundaries. Without even discussing it, we both agreed that blowjobs were off the table, at least until some of the pain faded. Hopefully, it would, in time.
Caleb wouldn’t admit it, but I had a feeling he was triggered by the idea of it, too. I wasn’t sure if it was the memory ofher, or the thought of me with Grant and Griffin the bartender that did it. I suspected it was a little of both.
“I didn’t even occur to me that you riding me would be an issue. It should have, but I guess I was too worried about blowjobs being a trigger to even think about anything else,” he confessed softly as he held my hand in the darkness.
“I didn’t give it a thought either, until it happened. Maybe if you didn’t actually say the words, it wouldn’t bother me?”
He didn’t say anything for a moment or two.
“Why don’t we leave it up to you? You initiate it, with no words needed. If you want to be on top, then you straddle me and go for it. If it bothers you, we stop, and you decide what you need then. I can hold you quietly. I can leave you alone. We can continue in another position. But if we need to talk about it, we leave the bedroom first.” He hesitated, then added. “You were right about that. I don’t want to talk about that night when we’re inour bed.”
We finally went back upstairs, and Caleb spooned me as we fell asleep. My feelings weren’t quite as raw and ragged when I awoke early the next morning, with his morning wood pressed against my butt. I smiled as the feeling registered, realizing just how much I’d missed waking up with him. I wiggled my ass just a little and heard a low growl in my ear.
