Page 52 of Leviathan's Song
“Yeah, it looks like a thirty-six pack.” He was still pulling them out of the bag.
“—that were apparently packed by mymother,with the implication we wouldusethem.” There was so much there to unpack mentally that I didn’t even know where to begin. Was she using this as a weird way to endorse our relationship? Was she vehemently stating she did not want me to have a child? Did she actually think I was going to need thirty-six condoms on a two-week delivery trip?
Levi chuckled and put them back. “Sure, it’s odd, but she probably just wants to take care of you. I still don’t understand your reaction.” He gave me an oddly amused look as he began pulling mushrooms and greens from the bag, and I directed him to the tinned fish as well.
“I’m sorry, I was just—I was so flustered,” I stammered. “I wasn’t expecting condoms from mymomto be hidden in thefood, and you’ve made it clear you want to take things slow, so I thought maybe it might look like I was expecting more from you, but obviously, I’ve never done that before, so clearly I’m fine waiting—” I snapped my teeth shut with a click to stem the torrent of words.
My skin felt hot, and I jerked my attention back to the food until Levi interrupted me with a flat, “What?”
I paused with a root vegetable in my hand to find his gaze locked on mine. “What do you mean, ‘what’?”
“You said you’ve ‘obviously never done that before’. What does that mean exactly?”
Oh. Well... Awkward.“I mean… I’ve never been with a guy.” I knew I was well past the age most of my peers experienced physical intimacy, and I tried not to squirm under Levi’s scrutiny.
Several heartbeats passed before he asked, “Ever?”
I shook my head, surprised by his surprise. I’d have figured it was completely obvious I had no experience with any of this.
“Do you just mean that you’ve… you’ve never had sex?” His eyes had an odd glint to them I didn’t understand. This whole conversation was a reminder of how much I didn’t know.
“No, I mean… I’ve never had a boyfriend, or any kind of relationship at all.”
Levi blinked. “Oh. Well, neither have I.” He went back to putting the mushrooms and fish in a pouch to warm over the fire and took a seat on a fallen log near my perch.
“Really?” I asked, a little surprised. “I guess that makes sense, not being able to touch girls, what with the whole bonding thing and all.”
He turned and looked at me like I had two heads. “It doesn’t workthatfast,” he chuckled. “I mean, I’ve…beenwith girls,” he said diplomatically. “I just… didn’t stay the night. Or ever see them again.” He winced. “I realized after a few times that even that much left an unhealthy fixation, so eventually, I kept my distance altogether.”
I fingered the vegetable in my hand for a moment as I thought about what this meant. He’d been with girls before me, which I knew logically was normal, though I was a little startled at the surge of jealousy I felt at the thought of it. Why had he risked being permanently bonded to someone like that? And why was he even risking it now, just spending time with me?
“What changed?” I asked hesitantly. “Why are you spending time with me?”
I couldn’t help but worry that, if he thought about it too hard, maybe he would realize I wasn’t worth the risk. Was anyone worth the risk? Being permanently bonded to someone for life, knowing they could walk away from him at any time?
Levi’s eyes lifted to mine and warmed as he scanned my face, but his shrug was self-conscious. A small, self-deprecating grin claimed his mouth as he reached out to brush a lock of hair behind my ear with a finger. “I guess I’m pretty much already unhealthily fixated,” he joked, but then his expression grew more serious as he studied my face.
I sank into the warmth in his countenance until I realized I’d probably given him the wrong idea about my experience level with…physicalrelationships. I was tempted to let it go, but it felt like a lie by omission. Not only that, but I frowned at the thought of how inexperienced I was with any kind of intimacy. He would figure it out eventually. Better to get it out now.
“I didn’t just mean that I’d never… had a relationship.” My frown deepened as I sliced the tuber into small, even rings. “I meant that I’d never been with any guy, at all.”
His eyes snapped to mine with an intensity that confused me. “How is that possible?”
I shrugged slightly, feeling embarrassed, and sliced a second tuber before placing them in foil. I drew a deep breath and released it slowly. “I just haven’t,” I answered defensively. “I would say I haven’t had the opportunity, but… Sidney says guys think I’m intimidating for whatever reason. I never wanted anyone… before.”
When I peeked up at him from the corner of my eye, his eyes were hot and focused on my mouth. “I was really your first kiss?” he asked in a chuckle, sounding a little smug, his voice husky and caressing.
I didn’t see why it would amuse him, but I caught myself beginning to lean into the sound of it. Before I could pull back, his fingers closed over mine, and he pulled me into his lap. Levi’s palm pressed against my cheek, and he pulled me against him, brushing his lips against mine and wrapping his muscular arm around my back. He deepened his kiss, and I opened slightly to let him in, feeling his tongue slick against mine and enjoying the taste of him.
I gripped one rounded shoulder, marveling at the muscle and the feel of his collarbone, the cords of his neck. I pressed the other hand into his chest, gripping his shirt to keep him as close as I could. When I shifted my weight in his lap, I could feel his excitement, hard and insistent against my upper thigh.
The feel of his hardness pressing into me made me insane. I didn’t try to understand it, but I needed more. I managed to turn just enough to slide my knee around his hip and settle deeper into his lap.
His lips felt like silk. The pleasure of his tongue teasing my mouth with promises of more, and the feeling of his body pressed into mine made me rock my hips, shifting against his erection with mindless need. The feeling it created made me gasp into his mouth, immediately craving more. Levi panted and clutched me tighter, kissing me harder and tensing his stomach muscles, arching to give me pressure back where I needed it.
I felt desperately empty as I rocked against him again, knowing this couldn’t go anywhere and wanting it to anyway. How were we going to survive two entire weeks alone together? We couldn’t. I needed him too desperately.
When he pressed against me again he groaned, wrapping me in ocean mist and sun-warmed sand. The magic of that sound nearly pulled me under as he clutched at me, and I fought against my need, trying to make the right choice to protect him.
