Page 33 of Leviathan's Song
“I know I’m being ridiculous. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t even imagine how my poor, bewildered father would have reacted to my crying jag. My mother was the more emotionally demonstrative between them, and even then, I’d only seen her shed tears a few times in my entire life. My father had been entirely flummoxed when I hit puberty and began having mood swings. The memory made me huff a small laugh.
Sidney’s concern morphed into vague disapproval, and her gaze sharpened on mine. “I don’t want to hear that from you, Elle. There is nothing wrong with feeling strongly about people, and your compassion makes you who you are. It’s one of your best features.” She flinched slightly before admitting, “At least one of us has to care about things.”
I scrubbed my arm across my cheek. That comment was pure bluff. More than once she’d brought orphaned baby animals into the shop with her to make sure they didn’t miss a feeding time while she reared them for release into the wild. She shrugged at me as if she could read my thoughts.
“Alright, game plan: I’m gonna go back to the shop and shut it down properly. You two should chat or whatever it is you love birds do, ‘cause it looks like Levi’s about to blow a gasket over something or other.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see him roll his eyes at Sidney, but she just narrowed her eyes at him and prodded me toward him. “Here, make yourself useful. She likes warm hugs. Coo at her and say nice things.”
Is it possible to cringe so hard you turn yourself inside out? I feel like I’m about to find out.
“When I’m done at the shop, I’m gonna find a bar and get sloshed,” she said cheerfully. “Call me if you feel like joining me. Otherwise, I’ll see you in the morning.” Sidney gave her signature dramatic, sloppy salute and stalked off down the path. I watched her pass through the Gate before taking a deep bracing breath and turning to face Levi.
His jaw was clenched, and I could see the muscles ticking in his cheek as his gaze skated over my face. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments before I finally made myself talk.
“I’m sorry I wasted so much of your time today.” I couldn’t think of any other reason for his ire. “I’m not sure why I thought you’d be able to help.” My voice was scratchy, so I cleared my throat.
“My time was notwasted.” He spoke through clenched teeth, but his enchanting lure battered against my ward. He gusted out a heavy breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. “I’m frustrated withmyself, Elara, not with you. Of course I’m glad you texted me. Can we talk about this in the Void, please? Feeling like I can’t touch you right now is driving me insane.”
I felt my forehead crease in confusion, but I allowed him to lead me from the Boundlands. A new guard was posted at the Gate. As soon as we were out of the park, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. I stiffened slightly. I wanted to relax into him, but his embrace felt forbidden even though he was the one giving it.
“Should you be touching me at all?” I asked glumly, trying to be responsible, even though I didn’t truly want to be.
He huffed a laugh that held no humor. “Probably not, no, but at least the bonding effect is lessened out here.” He tightened his arms around my shoulders and rested his chin on my head. “You have no idea how hard it is for me to watch your tears and see your anguish and feel like I can’t comfort you. To have to stand and watch your friend do it because holding you could wreck me. So yeah, I’m a bit of a mess right now. I look at you and it pulls the breath from my lungs. I already feel like I’m too attached. I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.”
His magic whispered along my subconscious with his words, reminding me it was there as he spoke. What would it feel like without my ward? Would it be as dangerous to me as he feared my touch would be to him? The lack of control in allowing someone to meddle in your emotions and desires was scary to contemplate.
“I wouldn’t wreck you,” I said, more from hope than anything else.
“Wouldn’t you?” he asked with a sad smile.
Our gazes held as he slowly released me, and his eyes seemed equal parts regretful and guarded. He wasn’t able to let go of me completely, and his fingers hooked through my belt loops to hold me in place while he studied me.
“I’m glad you texted me,” he reiterated. “Even if I couldn’t help the sprite, at least I could be there with you.” He pursed his lips and his eyes glazed over a bit as if he were thinking. “Can you come to my place tonight, let me make you dinner?”
I blinked rapidly, trying to realign myself to his abrupt change of topic. My knee-jerk reaction was to ask him if he could cook, but that seemed rude, so I refrained. Instead, I went with, “What will we be making?”
Levi seemed to hear the doubt in my voice anyway and gave me an amused smile. “I’ve got stuff for shrimp scampi or sushi. Do either of those sound okay to you? Is there anything you don’t eat?” His eyes took on a slightly teasing glint.
I had been an extremely picky eater as a child—preferring simple elven dishes over everything else—and I was suddenly grateful my parents had insisted on me learning to eat a variety of foods, whether I liked it or not. I shook my head as he laced his fingers lightly with mine and tugged me in the direction of his apartment.
“I can eat most things.” I wrinkled my nose at him. “You can make sushi? Are you going to make us sick?” So much for not being rude. He rolled his eyes good-naturedly but didn’t deem my question worth a response.
Chapter 12
We wanderedtoward his home in the darkening twilight, and I wondered at his ability to shrug off the chilly mist beginning to fall around us. He wore summer clothing—flip flops and shorts with a short-sleeved shirt—even though it was early fall in the Boundlands. Just looking at his bare legs made me shiver in my light coat, and I tried to chafe some warmth into his arm, drawing a chuckle from him.
“I’m not cold,” he said as we entered his building.
“Youfeelcold.” His arms and hands felt icy, but his cheeks and torso felt mildly cool when I pressed the backs of my wrists against him. He seemed to find humor in my fussing over him, smiling at me as we entered his apartment. He took my coat and hung it by the door before I followed him into the kitchen.
“What can I do to help?” I asked, watching him fill a large pot with water. He shut off the faucet and moved the pot to the stovetop.
“You could grab some ingredients out of the fridge,” he replied over his shoulder. “There’s some parsley and a lemon in the crisper, and a pack of shrimp in there somewhere.”
I washed my hands and opened the fridge, noticing the drawer next to the crisper was packed with what looked like bags of blood. They were all marked as medical waste, and a post-it note on the front of the drawer stated, ‘Don’t eat my food, assholes. -J’.
I pulled the lemon and parsley from the crisper and located the shrimp on the top shelf. “Who is Jordan concerned will steal his blood?” I asked as I set the food on the counter next to Levi.
