Page 32 of Shadow Strike
He nodded.“We were.He was the closest thing I had to a brother.I’m sure that’s why Dad calls him son now—Ryder was like a son to him, especially after I left.”He hadn’t meant to share all of this, but the words kept pouring out.“Since his stroke, Dad is often somewhere else.He had to reorganize around the loss of my mother, and Ryder was part of the new order of things.I’m the one who left.Ryder stayed.”
“So you’re being punished for things you couldn’t control—your mother’s death and Wade’s stroke.”
“I got the results of a choice I made freely.”
She was quiet for a moment.“That’s a very CB way to frame it.”
He shrugged.“I’ve got him set up with a good assistant.I make sure the house is squared away, the bills are on autopay, and his medical situation is managed.”He paused.“Some of the Outlaws want me back.Not all are happy with Ryder’s new way of doing business.”
“Have you thought about it?Taking the gang from him?”
He blew out a deep breath.It was right there—all the good he could do with the Outlaws if he took his rightful place with them.
Rangers lead the way.Their motto that had twisted in his gut over and over here at home.If he were a better son, a better Ranger, would he step into the leadership he’d been born for?
“I don’t like what they’ve become,” he said, “but being part of that world isn’t for me.I have my own way of helping people.”
“Did your dad want you to come back?Be part of it again?”
Wade had never asked him to take Ryder’s place.“Ryder is the golden boy, now.I go see Dad every Thursday and bring him groceries.That’s about as much as he wants me in his life.”
“So Ryder steps into the role of son and takes over the gang, and you’re demoted to bringing Wade groceries?”
“He likes the crackers from the Blackridge market.They don’t carry them anywhere else.”
Regan was quiet for a long moment.When she spoke, her voice was careful.“You keep showing up for people who make it hard.”
He considered that.Shrugged again.“That’s who I am.I take care of people I care about.”
She rose from the chair and came to sit beside him on the edge of the bed.“It is who you are, and I, for one, am glad.”
He’d spent a long time trying not to think of it as a character flaw.Dr.Montgomery insisted it wasn’t.CB wasn’t so sure.
Regan mimicked him, resting her elbows on her knees.“The look on my father’s face,” she said.“After the story ran.”She didn’t say anything more, just sat her chin in her hands.
He waited.
She blew out a deep breath.“I’ve never said this out loud.”She paused.“He was proud of me.I could see that.He always was, no matter what.But underneath it, there was this grief, this—he’d lost his oldest friend when I exposed Ray.They’d known each other since they were boys, and I took that friendship and crushed it.Ray Briggs wasn’t all bad, just like you said about the Outlaws in general.He did a lot for marginalized youth—always coaching Little League, promoting the school’s basketball team, and participating in fundraisers.Dad looked up to him.Put him on a pedestal.I put Ray in front of the whole county and let everyone see what he was under all of that.”Her fingers strayed to her shirt hem again, picking at the loose thread.“I was right to do it.I know that, and I’d do it again.But I’ve replayed that look on Dad’s face every day since, wondering if there was a version of telling the truth that wouldn’t have cost him so much.”
“Was there?”
“No.”The word was certain, yet laced with guilt.
“Yet, you’re still punishing yourself with it.”
“Just like you are with your mom and dad.”
He stiffened.Doc had said the same thing to him in his last session.“I’m living with my choices.”
“As am I.That’s the thing I had to make my peace with.The truth costs what it costs.I don’t get to decide the price.”
Her words landed hard.He agreed with them, but they unsettled him anyway.“As long as you’re honest with yourself.”
She didn’t answer.But something in her shoulders let go.“I’m trying to be, which…”
When she didn’t continue, he nudged her shoulder.“If there’s something you want to say, say it.”
They sat for a while in the quiet.He wondered if it was about the kiss.Or maybe her investigation.
